Chronicles of a Dreamer

First Post of the Year

2012-01-13T16:12:00.000+08:00

I guess it is never too late for this: "Happy new year everyone!"

I've been on an out of town vacation for the new year for almost a week so I never had a chance to post anything here. I also just recently got hired for another online job, the reason why I barely have time to write an entry although there are lots of things to blog about. And, our housemaid took off (I don't know where) after she went to her hometown for the new year.

Anyway, yesterday my little goddess turned 8 months older. :)) She has 3 front teeth: 2 lower incisors and 1 upper incisor, and started biting me every now and then. She also grits her teeth, for fun? She now babbles "ma-ma-ma" when she wants my attention or "memem" when she wants milk. A couple of days ago, she was trying to stand up on her own while holding on to the wall or the bed's headboard for support. But, last night she stood up on her own for 2-3 seconds without any support from anything at all. Weeeee! Way to go my baby bee!

Oh my, how fast the time flies.

There are lots of things that I should be thankful for, and this is one of them.

Athena @ 8 months!

Still A Merry Christmas

2011-12-27T04:18:00.001+08:00

Greetings to all!

I regret to have not been able to post a thing or two after 6 days before Christmas. A lot has happened after the storm. The depression it has brought and the stress due to the holiday rush almost got the best of me!

But who says there is no more Christmas?

Although everything was so chaotic, no one has ever stopped Christmas, not even Sendong/Washi.

I just concluded that Christmas can never be stopped even during the worst times.

I'm happy I was able to celebrate it with my family, not to mention that it was my baby's first. :)

Amid all the pain and losses we have experienced, I never thought I'd still get to be so busy wrapping presents for everyone. I never even though that I would still experience the holiday rush. I was bit surprised that many people still went shopping on the 24th for their Christmas celebration.

Being with my family is enough reason to celebrate the joyous day.

6 days and counting down

2011-12-19T01:15:00.001+08:00

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Days left before Christmas: 6 days 0 hours 2 minutes and counting down

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It just sank in.

Our little town was hit by a tropical storm on Saturday, December 17, 2011. A flash flood swept away homes and killed many people who are mostly elderly, children, and babies.

My heart is aching right now because of this tragedy.

Although the area that we live in wasn't affected. But when you see people lose their homes and loved ones, you cannot help but really be emotional about it.

For now, there are more than a hundred dead persons and 200 more are still missing.

Last Friday, there was a forecast on the news regarding tropical storm Sendong/Washi to hit Mindanao (the southern island of the Philippines). The news did not include Iligan City as part of the area which was likely to be hit by the storm. Unfortunately on Saturday evening (around 11 PM) while everyone was fast asleep, the storm crept in and washed away the homes near the rivers.

People in our city are not threatened by rain since we have a mountainous terrain. And, we were never affected by any storm. Our rivers have overflowed but never like this. This is the first time that our city experienced this kind of tragedy.

For now, I could not dare to post any photos that we have taken, nor write about any other details about my experience. I am still too overwhelmed to write everything.

Earlier today, we gave out food, water, and clothing to evacuees.

The auditorium where I attended college was turned into an evacuation site. When I got in, I was not pleased with what I saw. It was very heart-wrenching. There were lots of babies who needed aid.

For now, I do not want to eat in expensive restaurants because all I can think of are those who needed food. Every time I open the faucet, I feel guilty if I waste water because those people in the evacuation sites needed it more.

I know I already did what I can to help yet it still does not take away the sadness caused by this great mishap.

If anyone of you is reading this, I am knocking at your hearts to share your love for my fellow Filipinos who needed help. There are various ways that you can help, and your dollar will go a long way.

Just a note though, your help will not go to my pocket. It will go directly to agencies who are hosting the relief operations.

By the way, here a link from CNN: http://bit.ly/rTUUZ4

If you are willing to help you can check out Iligan Bloggers Society for more information. You can send your donations through Paypal. You can also check out their Facebook page for updates: http://on.fb.me/vbsEzV.

Let's all share our blessings in this season of giving. May you have a merry Christmas.

God bless you and your families.

12 days and counting down

2011-12-12T10:24:00.001+08:00

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Days left before Christmas: 12 days 13 hours 35 minutes and counting down

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I was too depressed and lazy to post something here for the past couple of days. Also, I wasn't able to work full time again last week, but at least I was able to somewhat do some de-stressing and thinking. Anyway, what will happen will happen and I will accept it with open arms.

On Saturday, I went out with my hubby to buy some stuff for the baby. We found out about a local diaper brand from my cousin-in-law's girlfriend, and we opted to try it out. She said it works better than other popular brands, and costs really cheaper. Imagine, we saved about Php 100 compared to Huggies.

Funny brands: Lampien (diaper), Tisyu (tissue)

Yesterday, we went to church. Finally. Me, my hubby and the baby went to church after a long time. We went to a cafe after, but hesitated because a couple of cars with armed military men and policemen came before us. They look quite scary so we bought ice cream instead and went home.

Today, my baby is 7 months older. Weeee!

Athena at 7 months.

20 days and counting down

2011-12-04T17:34:00.001+08:00

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Days left before Christmas: 20 days 6 hours 25 minutes and counting down

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This is it!

I am tired.

I can't continue with this kind of lifestyle: I barely sleep; I take care of the baby; I work every time the baby is asleep; I don't go to church on Sudays; I don't go out with friends (not that I'm really concerned with that); I don't get to buy the things I want but I buy my baby's necessities, and yet I don't get to reach my hourly quota.. I do not believe there is something wrong with me.

It is hard when you try to juggle everything not get any support from people around you.

It's just hard. And, I am fed up.

22 days and counting down

2011-12-02T00:39:00.001+08:00

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Days left before Christmas: 22 days 23 hours 20 minutes and counting down

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It's past midnight and I am working late again. Good thing there are two cable lines installed in this house: one in the living room and another in the master's bedroom (our room), which help me stay up until around 4 a.m.

Anyway, I was just changing channels while waiting for the baby to fall asleep and for my stomach ache to subside. As usual, I decided to tune into Lifestyle Network (my new favorite channel) where the program {Listed} is currently aired. They were featuring some stuff, and then Isabelo.

The mother's workshop turned into a part of the restaurant.

Isabelo Garden Restaurant is, well, a garden restaurant where according to {Listed} is difficult to find. It is a mother-and-daughter-owned restaurant. The mother is an artist and the daughter is (as they say) an advertising bigwig-turned restaurateur.

Anyway, I so envy the place and their concept. This is the kind of place where I want to dine in. I know my hubby would love this place, as well as my friends. And, this is the kind of business that I'd like to have as well.

OMG! Portia Baluyut is the daughter-owner! I recognize her from Lifestyle Network's Clash of the Tok-en Ones.

Their menu consists of a wide array of dishes, from pasta, pizza, to steak, and more! Yum! My type of food!

Yipeee! They serve one of my favorite dishes!

hmmmnn...pizza!

yummy!!! <3

Unfortunately, I won't be able to visit this place since it is islands away from where I am. They are located in Luzon, somewhere in Marikina. And, as mentioned earlier in this post, their place is hard to find. So, in case you want to give them a visit, I found this map online to help you:

I hope this will help. :)

By the way, don't forget to call before you go there. They strictly do not welcome walk-ins. You can also book online through their website: http://www.isabelogarden.com.

Enjoy dining!

P.s. please don't forget to tell me about your experience!

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Photos used in this blog entry are not owned by the blog owner. They are borrowed from: http://www.isabelogarden.com, http://yummydatenight.tumblr.com, and http://mibellamaureen.blogspot.com. Copyright infringement is not intended.

23 days and counting down

2011-12-01T13:48:00.001+08:00

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Days left before Christmas: 23 days 10 hours 18 minutes and counting down

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It’s almost a year since our wedding and it’s just now that I checked our wedding presents which are still in their boxes.

Weee! I discovered some wine glasses which I might use later.

I’m thinking spaghetti and wine. Yum!

25 days and counting down

2011-11-29T15:24:00.001+08:00

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Days left before Christmas: 25 days 8 hours 35 minutes and counting down

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My sister came in the afternoon to babysit Athena while I work. :)

We prepared pizza using white bread and corned beef.

bread + tomato sauce + onions, tomatoes, cheese + corned beef = pizza!

In the evening, I made a mango gelato which Athena loved so much. It was so good that I didn't have any time to take a photo of it!

By the way, I forgot to mention in the previous post that my cousin and her daughter who is 2 days older than Athena, paid as a visit last Saturday afternoon. It was nice to have someone to come by at our house from time to time. My hubby bought us ice cream and we spent the afternoon playing with our daughters.

Athena and Makarie

Playing with cousin Makarie.

Athena eating her bunny.

26 days and counting down

2011-11-28T11:33:00.001+08:00

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Days left before Christmas: 26 days 12 hours 26 mins and counting down

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Yesterday was mama and papa's (my grandparents) wedding anniversary. Although papa is not around anymore, we still get together and celebrate.

We went swimming at Ozei Magoo in Linamon. That's about a 30-minute drive from the city of Iligan.

It rained on our way there. Good thing it stopped raining when we arrived at the place, because I was really planning and was too excited to let my 6-month old baby take a swim.

swimming with mamang

enjoying the water

It's really fun to see your daughter enjoy swimming so much!

the babies at the beach

31 days and counting down

2011-11-23T10:31:00.001+08:00

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Days left before Christmas: 31 days 13 hours 28 minutes and counting down

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This was supposedly yesterday's entry. Unfortunately, we lost our internet connection late in afternoon.

An origami mobile!

It was a rainy afternoon and Athena was already taking a nap. I was busy tinkering some stuff when I got an idea for our room decoration. It led me to check out how to create a bird origami. I then discovered that bird and crane origami are different. I also found out some cute butterfly origami which I might try next time.

my creation

my crane looks more like a pterodactyl

the bird

Later in the evening, we set up our Christmas tree! My baby's first ever Christmas tree courtesy of grandma Irene.

33 days and counting down

2011-11-21T16:44:00.002+08:00

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Days left before Christmas: 33 days 7 hours 15 minutes and counting down

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It's quite a lazy afternoon in our new home.

My baby bee is taking her afternoon nap, while I and our house help are browsing the web.

We have finally moved last Friday. We had our internet connection up and running on Saturday where I then spent my days cramming for work until early this morning, and unfortunately I ended up 10 minutes short of my weekly quota. Sad.

Anyway, we still haven't settled everything yet: The air conditioners have just been pressure washed this afternoon and have not been installed yet; It will also take 2-3 days from for our cable connection to be transferred; And, some of our stuff hasn't been arranged and kept yet.

I'll post photos when we will be able to settle everything. :)

41 days and counting down

2011-11-13T18:40:00.001+08:00

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Days left before Christmas: 41 days 5 hours 18 mins and counting down

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I'm a bit furious of the thought that I have to work my ass off for 7 days a week: days and nights. I take care the baby, tidy up the house and prepare food. I have 0 rest day, 0 days with self and 0 social life. I feel like I'm becoming a caveman.

Anyway, I'll still stick to thinking positive amidst this unjustifiable situation.

So here I was, reading old posts just to clear off my mind when I discovered that I just lost an old blog entry.

I'm furious and I feel like crying. I want to shout. I know, there is nothing I can do to ever find it.

It's just so sad. I think it happened while I was revamping this blog.

I accidentally erased a memorabilia. I couldn't even remember whatever happened that day.

So long old entry: My Week Long Vacation

Whatever happened that day will forever be a mystery to me.

42 days and counting down

2011-11-12T12:27:00.001+08:00

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Days left before Christmas: 42 days 11 hours 33 mins and counting down

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It's a beautiful Saturday and I would like to share this beautiful message:

Smile. It makes a world of difference.

Dance. Who knows when you won't be able to?

Cry. Holding those emotions inside is bad for you.

Kiss. It's one of the most wonderful things in this world.

Laugh. What's the pointing in hiding happiness?

Frown. Why not let them know you're unhappy?

Apologize. You don't wanna lose friends.

Hug. There's no better feeling than being wrapped up close to someone you love.

Live. Because life is everything.

p.s. today my daughter turns 6 months old

11.11.11

2011-11-11T17:46:00.000+08:00

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Days left before Christmas: 43 days 6 hours 14 mins and counting down

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I just had to make this entry because it is 11.11.11.

I checked my horoscope, and here’s what it said:

Money, money, money! Get busy today, and you can make a lot of it. There will be sudden and unexpected opportunities to leverage personal connections to better your place in the rat race, and therefore build a more solid financial future for yourself

My fortune cookie said:

“Change is happening in your life, so go with the flow.”
Lucky numbers: 23 48 77 2

Re: My Julie/Julia Project

2011-11-07T10:09:00.000+08:00

I think I failed to mention what my Julie/Julia Project will be.

Since it's almost Christmas, I'll be writing my own Christmas countdown so I will have a deadline when this project will end. Although, it won't be the end of my blog. I hope.

I found this Christmas countdown counter online to help me keep track of the days till Christmas. I should be posting an entry at least once a week. I think this is a great way to record what my days before Christmas will be. It's a great way to end the year, as well.

I guess it will be quite a bumpy ride.

The contender:
Me, 25 years of age. A wife and a mom to an almost 6-month old baby by day. And, a worker/a writer by night (and at times when the baby is asleep). I have 0 time for myself and 0 social life. I'm not quite sure what I'm risking here. Maybe the risk of more nauseous moments of nostalgia in the future.

So, we'll wait and see.

My Little Prayer

2011-11-06T19:51:00.000+08:00

Today is the last day for the work week and I still haven't reached even half of my hourly quota. Oh well, I started this week with a positive mind but my positive-thinking didn't save me from my baby's sudden shift of sleeping pattern, family gatherings, and the announced power outage to which I was unaware of. And to add, my baby got sick during the weekend. She still has colds needs me beside her every time.

Anyway, I'm not totally in despair. Although, I really needed the money badly: for my baby's vaccines which are quite expensive, as well as for her milk, diapers and most especially, it is almost Christmas!

It's now hopeless to reach my quota. So here I am, cyber stalking and just surfing to clear my mind. And I came across a lot of things. But of all the things I encountered, I would like to share this.

I think, I really need to say this prayer every day. I mostly think of expenses and get frustrated every time. I guess this prayer might help me clear my mind. Thank you, whoever you are who wrote this.

Here's for all you moms out there who are busy making ends meet.

A MOM'S PRAYER:

Dear Lord, it's such a hectic day
With little time to stop and pray
For life's been anything but calm
Since You called on me to be a mom
Running errands, matching socks
Building dreams with building blocks
Cooking, cleaning, and finding shoes
And other stuff that children lose
Getting lids on bottled bugs
Wiping tears and giving hugs
A stack of last week's mail to read
So where's the quiet time I need?
Yet when I steal a minute, Lord
Just at the sink or ironing board
To ask the blessings of Your grace
I seen then, in my small one's face
That you have blessed me
All the while
And I stop to kiss
That precious smile

My Julie/Julia Project

2011-10-29T11:25:00.000+08:00

I have watched Julie & Julia on HBO a couple of times and have been inspired to go back on blogging. Yet, I have too many things inside my thoughts to blog about and I always end up writing nothing at all.

Although I am now a mom and works as a home-based writer, I barely have written anything for myself; except for those Facebook rants that I post sometimes, which is sooo unhealthy for me, my relationships and people’s perception of me.

It is now 3:32 a.m. and Julie & Julia is on HBO again.

I am writing these thoughts in a piece of scratch paper in the middle of working.

I’m crossing my fingers. I hope this will make a good jumpstart for me to go back on blogging again. :)

I really hope I can do this. I can barely do anything for myself lately, with all my responsibilities as a wife and mom and a full time worker – it’s driving me crazy!

Oh well, wish me luck!

Thank you Julie & Julia for lighting this spark.

To do

2010-07-28T10:11:00.000+08:00

~~(written last night: July 27, 2010)~~

Starting tonight I will keep a “to do” list for each day. For now, I guess this is the best thing to do: I need to get myself organized; I need to keep myself busy; I need to distract myself from all these distractions.

I will do this little step if this would keep me going – if this can keep me on living.

I’m not sure if this will be the last straw, but I need to draw this.

As much as I miss ‘conversations’, talking is not an option for me to take.

I’m sorry, but I prefer to remain in the shadows of silence for now.

Too much words add up to my agony. I prefer to be adrift than to get more lost and confused at this moment.

I appreciate, still, the ever-heavenly aroma of coffee; but it cannot tempt my lips to unzip itself and let these feelings flow and transform in words the human mind could understand.

I do not like the silence of silence though. But it is best for me to lie low in solace.

I guess, I still have time to pour out everything. Until that day when solitude becomes too deafening for me. But not for now.

My Hachiko

2010-07-02T15:47:00.005+08:00

I first heard of Hachi or Hachiko from the Japanese anime “Super Gals”. The anime series sets mainly in the Shibuya District in Japan. In most of the episodes, the anime’s main hero, Ran Kutubuki is mostly found staying at Hachiko’s monument when contemplating.

I thought that Hachiko was just a fictional character not until last night, when I was able to download a movie titled “My Dog Hachi”. The movie was starred by Richard Gere and was released last 2008.

Anyway, Hachiko is an Akita. And in real life a monument (made in bronze) was placed at his waiting place near the Shibuya Train Station in honor of his memory. Well, Hachiko’s story teaches us of the real meaning of love, loyalty, and friendship. His story tells us of how he waited for his master to come back until his death. According to the movie, he waited for nine years somewhere near the train station after his master passed away.

Hachi’s story reminds me so much of my very own pet, Balto. Balto’s a mongrel . Born last February 8, 1998 with his twin sister Ponga. I was still in 5th Grade when we got them. Both Balto and Ponga were our first pet dogs when my whole family moved to our very own house on April 1998.

We actually got their names from movies. Balto from the Alaskan dog hero Balto and Ponga was derived from the name Pongo of The 101 Dalmatians since her fur’s white with black spots. Balto was supposedly called “Baltok” but he wouldn’t respond when called with that name. Yeah, think “Marley and Me”.. Dog choosing his own name…

Anyway, having no friends since we’re new in the neighborhood, me and my siblings would always play with both puppies. Unfortunately, Ponga passed away days before my birthday on May 1998.

And since that day Balto has been our pet dog. He’s kinda short but an alpha male. In fact, it’s as if he owned the whole subdivision. He’s really that brave that a German shepherd didn’t stand a chance against him. He gets into fight with other dogs but he has allies too.

I still could remember him playing tag with other dogs in the neighborhood at a then empty lot beside the subdivision. It was a beautiful sight. However, there was also an incident when he stepped into some other dog’s turf when following us (me and my family) while we headed to our parents’ friends’ house one afternoon. He was mobbed: he laid on the cement road on his back while one dog bit him in the right leg and another on the left and another took him on the face. They really pinned him down but (I think) 2 other dogs came barking and rescued Balto. The sight left me amazed.

Not only did he get respect from other dogs but from the people in the neighborhood as well. Actually, everybody knows him better than they’ve knew me. Haha! It’s because when we leave the house to go somewhere in the neighborhood, he would follow us. At night when my parents attend a prayer meeting, he would go with them. Even during the procession for the “Stations of the Cross” at Lent, he would follow us and would sit near the altar.

He’s quiet mischievous. One time I got worried when he chased a newly born calf --- think of the amount we’ll pay for if the calf dies. There was also a time that he played around with pigs. While he was pup, he catches one of our chickens. Though when we kill our chickens for meal, he would never eat the bones we fed him. Also, I caught him playing with a bird on the street. The bird pecked him and then he jumped and and as if trying to bite the bird. Then the bird pecks him again. (^^)

Yet again everyone loves him. When I got a cat during high school, he never tried attacking Miming. Even though it’s obvious that he’s a jealous dog, he tends to take care and play with Miming’s kittens. And some point Miming attacked a dog who fought Balto in our very own lawn one afternoon.

There’s so much to tell about him. But I guess it’ll take forever…

There’s so much I would have wanted to tell him too…

Balto died this year, in the evening when I returned to Iligan.

Everytime I call my family, I never missed asking about Balto. He’s always been a part of our family. He has always been my companion, playmate, and friend.

When I arrived in Iligan. Balto wasn’t in good shape anymore. Both his eyes have cataract. He’s deaf and thin. And I knew that day would come since he reached 12 years and because it was evident that he was getting too old.

My sister told me that she told Balto to wait for me since I’m already coming home.

And he did.

I remember those afternoons we played together. The mischief he’s done. The times I talked to him. The times I defended him against Papang. And lots and lots of memories of him…

“Balto”

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In memory of Balto. My friend. My own Hachi.
You are treasured forever.
February 8, 1998 - February 10, 2010
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On a Beautiful Sunday

2010-06-27T12:28:00.001+08:00

It’s supposedly a beautiful Sunday afternoon. But here I am, spending the afternoon with you, however, feeling so distant.

You are so distant. Everything is becoming distant.

I am with you yet my instincts tell me the possibilities that you might be eyeing someone now or maybe soon.

It is just so painful yet you do not understand. You do not bother trying either.

Losing you is the last thing that I needed for now.

Yet, I do not want to end this without any fight. If, it’s still worth it.

We had our thing. But it seems that I am all alone now.

This cold cold space between us is driving me nuts.

I want you to save me but it seems like you only want to save yourself. We’re both selfish, but you always get what you wanted. Maybe this time you will. But I wouldn’t let you.

I wouldn’t want you to leave me like this without me hurting you.

I want you to save me now. But I know, you wouldn’t do that. I am useless to you now. I’m not the one with some job in a big company. One who can afford things. Not for now though.. I am no use to you but someone you can cling on to. But not anymore.. Since I am not well.. since I am hurt… Since you think I am the one clinging on to you this time.

I am grasping for redemption! I haven’t done anything wrong other than to give you what you wanted..

Please don’t play with me. I’m tired of games..

But… should I just let go? Or shall I just save it for later?

(untitled post)

2010-06-24T00:57:00.001+08:00

I dread this day when having coffee turns into mere luxury… :’(

re: oi himala…

2010-06-20T00:02:00.001+08:00

Today is father’s day. I am typing a blog entry using my laptop for the first time. Anyway, what I’m writing isn’t anything about my ~~dads~~ or father’s day either..

OK. So here I am with my new laptop.. Installing, uninstalling, and re-installing different software. Acquainting myself with my new gadget especially that I had Windows 7 in it.. And transferring and managing files..

I came upon this letter (an email to be exact) which I have been keeping in my flash disk for quite awhile now.

I was actually keeping it for future reasons. The contents? Hmmmnn.. It’s best to keep it to myself for now.. (^^)

Anyway, I have been keeping it and have read it twice from the time I found it publicly displayed in someone’s “My Documents”.

So, again, back to transferring and managing files…

I told myself not to read it. But I did.

I did not feel any sort of hurt, or sorry, or even angry. I felt skeptical instead.

The letter asks so many questions that I couldn’t figure out the answers as well.

I actually read it again thinking that I might understand the letter better now.

I know deep inside that my feelings are pure and sincere but I also can’t refrain myself from asking questions. Mostly “why’s”…

I also could not stop from wanting to search for the original messages. I just felt that there is/might be something for me to find out.

After all, my feelings would always remain true. Now that I am so sure about it. But still, I would never want to become that person who’ll ask those questions in the future and might not even get the answers.

This is really quite stupid. I know I shouldn’t be dealing with these things from the past now which basically did not involved me. But I feel this urge to understand.

Anyway, this has been the way I am. I want to understand things -- everything.

I’m sorry if I’ve been sneaky. This isn’t a secret since you know that I copied the letter. I hope you’ll make me understand if you’d get a chance to read this.

RE: oi himala…
himala.. wala ko nasuko.. (=

xkcd: dreams

2010-05-21T12:19:00.002+08:00

seems like I'm the only one without xkcd on my facebook and blog.. well, here it is.. so much for tryin' to fit in..

Beautiful Flower - India Arie

2010-05-13T11:31:00.002+08:00

Thank you India Arie.. Now, I feel much better... Thank you for your song... :)

Beautiful Flower

by India Arie

This is a song for every girl who's

Ever been through something she thought she couldn't make it through

I sing these words because

I was that girl too

Wanting something better than this

But who do I turn to

Now we're moving from the darkness into the light

This is the defining moment of our lives

'Cause you're beautiful like a flower

More valuable than a diamond

You are powerful like a fire

You can heal the world with your mind

There is nothing in the world that you cannot do

When you believe in you, who are beautiful

Yeah, you, who are brilliant

Yeah, you, who are powerful

Yeah, you, who are resilient

This is a song for every girl who

Feels like she is not special

'Cause she don't look like a supermodel Coke bottle

The next time the radio tells you to shake your moneymaker

Shake your head and tell them, tell them you're a leader

Now we're moving from the darkness into the light

This is the defining moment of our lives

'Cause you're beautiful like a flower

More valuable than a diamond

You are powerful like a fire

You can heal the world with your mind

There is nothing in the world that you cannot do

When you believe in you, who are beautiful

Yeah, you, who are brilliant

Yeah, you, who are powerful

Yeah, you, who are resilient

Yeah, you, who are beautiful

Yeah, you, who are brilliant

Yeah, you, who are powerful

Yeah, you, who are resilient

Yeah, you, this song is for you

Yeah, you, yeah, you

You are brilliant

BEING TWENTY-SOMETHING

2010-05-04T09:29:00.002+08:00

This may not be the first time for you to read this. I have received this thru email while I was still working in Accenture.. I just feel like posting...

BEING TWENTY-SOMETHING

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused.

Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty something friends.... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion.....

GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF you guys!

Under the full moon

2010-04-28T15:06:00.005+08:00

I think my step-dad is upset. And I guess my mom too (whom I didn't see when I got home)... For coming home late... Rather, early in the morning after spending the night at my boyfriend's house...

For, I guess, a very shallow reason (uh-uh! not an excuse) - because the moon is full. This definitely is not an excuse!

I never did plan to spend the night there, unfortunately, at about past midnight when my beau, his brother and I went outside to smoke, I noticed that beautiful ol' luna was shining ever so brightly in perfect shape in the night sky... But before that, my beau asked me to tell his brother about "the scary stuff" happening at my house - which reminded me of my mom saying that those mysterious things are likely to happen especially when the moon is full. So there, I thought to myself that I'm not gonna go home - not until it's morning.

I came home at almost 7 o' clock a.m. I found my step-dad having breakfast and my baby sister brushing her teeth. My youngest brother was still in bed, but it seemed that my mom and my other younger brother has already left.. Anyway, all I ever said to my step-dad after greeting him was -- "sorry for not able to text them that I won't be home in evening because mobile's out of load credits"..

After that, I went to my room. Then I heard my step-dad and my sister leave.. *sigh*

How I wish I could've explained that I never really intended to spend the night there.. It was just that I don't want to experience some wierd stuff happen again especially that it was full moon.. And how I wish I could just easily tell them that I even did not literally sleep there.. Because all I ever did was watch movies while my beau and his brother snoozed... *sigh* How I wish I was a better "communicator" (if there ever was a word).. We never had good communication not unless we talk about other things and kid around...

Both of know that he cares too much for me despite the fact that I'm not his real daughter. I care for him too but we just don't communicate well. Long story though. And we do have this weird relationship, but not the kind of weirdness that happens during full moon..

But for now, I'm saving the relationship thingy for later. I'm expecting a cold shoulder and a little bit of nagging from my mom.. Wish me luck though..

So! Speaking about my all-nighter movie marathon... It was great! We started with "500 Days of Summer", which I've already seen. Then my beau and his brother browsed on youtube some of their favorite 90's rock songs which led us to watch "Batch '81". It is an old local film showing how some college guys survived entering a fraternity. It's not something that you'd get awed with but I just got amused. (thinks: silly college guys)..

So my beau and his brother started dozing off that I ran into "10 Things I Hate About You".. So creepy of me, watching a teeny-bopper series at this age.. And even got a crush on one of the main characters...

Note: Before I had a very huge crush on Kurosaki Ichigo - the main character of "Bleach", a Japanese animation. And long before that, I also had this big crush on Josh Hartnett. I fell for him when I first saw him in the movie "The Faculty". And that was way back in high school. I guess there was George Clooney too... Ummm.. I haven't had sleep yet so I can't remember the rest..

Going back.. {dreamily:} ..My crush has this perfectly toned body which makes me wish I could rest my head on his chest or shoulders.. He has this untidy look.. His untidy hair makes him a lot more handsome... and those eyes.. look into those eyes and it's like he'll dig into your soul.. his voice, is sooo deep that could make me want to take off my clothes with one "hello" (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!)... and most of all! I love the character himself, is just so COOL... Oh! He's so gorgeous! :D

I know this is silly, but I even posted it in facebook. I do hope my beau's not gonna think I'm cheating on him... This is so wierd but it made me feel good. It felt like highschool or some part of college again. It made me smile and tingled my heart. It made me wanna kiss my beau. It made me want to spend a whole day kissing - if that's possible.. It's just good... So much for being somekinda cynical these days..

I ended up to episode 10 of season 1. There are still 5 more episodes to watch until the first season ends. I really could not wait to watch the rest of the series. I don't know if I'll be able to get some sleep at this rate.. (it's already 8:37 a.m.)...

I'm really not into some teenybopper stuff but lately, I just want to watch something light.. But not really shallow... :D

So maybe weird things really happen sometimes. And maybe these "sometimes" could coincidentally occur during the full moons... But I enjoyed it! :D And I hope you enjoy your evening as well especially when the moon is full!

isn't he gorgeous?! eeek!

My new year salvo

2010-01-04T17:51:00.005+08:00

sunrise in cebu

"Unwritten"
by Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

ferris wheel

2009-11-22T23:22:00.002+08:00

Round and round we go
in a merry-go-round
up and down
down and up
in this ferris wheel

then it stops
we get stuck

panic strikes
we then screamed
we then cried

we asked for help
then shut ourselves
in solitude

the engine then starts

so we go
round and round again
like in a merry-go-round
up and down
down and up
in this ferris wheel
hope it never stops

piece-up

2009-11-22T22:06:00.003+08:00

Someone told me once that, "there's always a moment"...

yeah.. in every second of our lives, there is. A moment. A moment for everything.

A moment to love and say "i love you".

A moment to breathe.

A moment to think.

And all other moments to decide in every circumstances what to feel, say, and do, that would make you the "YOU".

My boyfriend always tells me that i don't know what i want, and is big reason why i'm heading nowhere. I call myself a dreamer, and literally i am. I always get lost in my dreams that they always end up just there in my thoughts. At most times, I need to get hit really really hard to get back to reality.. I don't know I'm getting to any point here but i am trying to.

I just noticed it though, in how i talk and how i write. I some kinda go in circles.. *sigh*

But anyway, I'm just glad that I took this moment out to brighten up this humble blog of mine with some little thoughts. Hoping this would serve as a little step of improvement of the changes i will do with my life.

Thanks to "my dad", I took the 15-minute walk from my flat to this cafe.

I just thought, i might help myself if i piece myself up even just by starting with this little post and reverting back to my old blog template..

This "moment" is quite a costly one. Hehe. If you could keep a secret for me, i did not go to work today.. Guess what? I'm desperate! hehe... I need to BREATHE..

CHEERS to all who live LIFE! (^^)/

Carry My Heart

2009-08-20T10:21:00.007+08:00

about a week ago...

It's good to know that I'm still alive. Living... yeah... through all the shitty days that "just" comes up.. people who make my days shitty.. and those shitty things that i don't want to face or think about either... =D

Anyway, 2 weeks ago I moved to a new house somewhere in the suburbs of the city (i believe it is in the suburbia). (= I'm was hoping to make a home out of it's creepiness/eeriness.. However, the place really is cozy (not as what i expected it to be though) and makes me feel like in my old room in our house back in my hometown. The kind of place where my fingers would crave for pencils, pens and other art materials; where it's nice to read a book; where you can just listen to good music or watch t.v all day but the time still slip very very slowly; and the place where I long to be at after work...

So there, I've been watching movies.. A lot of movies, from my collection and a few new ones...

So I've watched this movie starred by Cameron Diaz and Toni Collete titled "In Her Shoes".. The movie was nice. But really I got captivated by this poem by E. E. Cummings which was read by Maggie (Diaz) in her sister Rosie's (Collete) wedding in the movie.

Really... I just want to share the poem.

However, it's really nice if someone can tell something like this to you with utmost sincerity, even if the world makes a monster out of you... Don't you think? I think I'd like that. =D

...here it is:

I Carry Your Heart
e.e cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

P.S. I watched the a Jap anime titled "Nodame Cantabile". It's about music stuff. I just don't want to explain it further though because this post is not about that. hehe.. You can just watch it yourself. Look it up at the nearest illegal dvd stores in your place.. hehe.. I'm sure you'll find it there. There's even a korean (i think it's korean) series of that.

Death in the family

2009-03-01T15:38:00.003+08:00

Tonight I'm missing work cause I'll be going home.

There's death in the family so I really have to.

Actually I'm broke. I only have my one-way ticket with me. Right now, I'm still looking for money for my trip.

I'll be leaving at 8 this evening. I'll be riding a boat to Cagayan de Oro. Not to mention, this would be my first trip (with the CDO route) alone. And probably, my first ever bus trip alone. Haha! I mostly travel with my family and we usually ride our own car.. so there..

Anyway, I'm quite scared. I don't know what awaits me back home. I'll probably cry..

It's quite a lot of first times for this trip.

The first time I filed for an emergency leave..

The first time for me to experience having a wake in my own home..

And the first time for me to home with this reason: death of a family member.. (well, I hope there is no second or third time fot this..)

...my phone's dead.. I haven't packed yet.. And someone's waiting for my sms response..

So gotta go..

*deep breath*

mint brownies

2009-02-07T12:06:00.006+08:00

yummy!!!

I'll bake these by the time I have my own oven..

just thoughts

2009-02-05T12:17:00.002+08:00

I don't know which word appropriate to describe it..

lost?
torn?
blank?
dead?

I am like a tree..
a dead tree..
no flowers nor fruit..
no leaves..
just twigs and branches..

I'm still standing still though..
Through strong winds and rain..
Through dust and heat..
And look gloomier under the moonlit sky...

I am not scared.. I guess..
I have nothing to be scared of..
All I have are worries.. maybe...
And doubts..

I don't know if I am unsure..
I don't know what I want..
I don't know if I'll still bleed..

I am like a robot..

I don't why..
I don't know what..
I don't know..

I just don't know..

...

...but anyhow, I felt better writing this...

What dog breed are you?

2008-11-07T02:48:00.001+08:00

discover your dog breed @ quiz meme

so, how am i?

2008-10-21T01:08:00.001+08:00

Another work week has passed and again I am on day-off.

I'm juggling things in my mind: on what to do first and what and how to write my thoughts down..

So, I just came up with the question..

Yeah, how the hell am I?

Now, I know I am fine. I'm having quite the hang of adjusting and nipping my pride little by little. I feel loved, secured, and missed (by my family). A bit bored with my job but I'm not letting it get in my way though. I wouldn't want to lose another job for petty reasons again.
Anyway, last week was quite a busy week.

During payday, Bok and I went to the mall and shopped. He bought a load of stuff.. like a whole new wardrobe (just exaggerating, but it's quite like that). I bought a shirt and a cute pair of check loafers which Bok has chosen for me. I didn't really like the shoes at first though, but a lot of people find it nice. So there. But, trust me in this: don't ever shop when you're sleepless the night before and you still have to go to work in the afternoon.

Bok's officemates like to hang-out and go to some place and do stuff. So, I got quite sleepless last week. The activities for last week range from playing dota after their shift (that's 5 a.m.), so I wake up early; going to the gym and play badminton, we were supposed to go wall climbing but weren't able to; drinking and making me sing (hehehe..); and going to a comedy bar.

They're fun-loving people, as you can see. They're fun to be with. I like them because they don't treat me as "the girlfriend". But too bad I just really need to get some sleep.

And by the way, last week's r.d., I did some cleaning up. I sorted out my stuff and threw away things that don't need to be kept anymore. (I don't know if you get what I mean) And it made me feel a lot better.

But there is still one thing that needs to be done though. I had a fight with one of my officemates, a teammate, months ago. It supposedly was nothing serious but we ended up not talking to each other anymore. And I'm a bit tired of the situation. I can sense that he wants to make peace with me. But I'm quite a coward with this. Yeah, a chicken shit.

Please pray for me. I'd love to make peace with him. And make peace with myself at the same time.

But hey! I still say I am doing fine.

I'm still a work in progress but I am alive and I am kickin'. (^^)

adventures in alcoy

2008-10-14T22:27:00.001+08:00

finally i was able to go beach after a very long time.
and finally escaped from the lights of the city with my beau.

done: anansi boys

2008-10-13T20:59:00.002+08:00

Finally I finished reading this book. Sorry Anansi Boys fans but I didn't quite like the it. It actually took me months to finish reading the book. Imagine that!

Maybe I over-estimated it. I've been a fan of fictional books most especially thrillers since I started reading. But no, this book did not give me the excitement I always get whenever I read thrillers. Just as with Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code.

For me, the story is too predictable. I still haven't read half of the book and I can already sense where the story leads.

Anyway, John no offense. But thank you so much for lending me your book. It's been quite a while since I borrowed it from you. Don't worry I'm finally returning it. (^^)

..p.e.a.c.e..

dilemma in the unreality

2008-10-13T20:26:00.003+08:00

[--- overdue post: October 9, 2008]

02-04-1992 copyright Dilbert.com

Guess what happened to me this morning?

I dreamt that I got terminated from my job because I was 1 hour late for work. Haha! And guess what? It took several replays of the dream until I woke up and realized that it was not true...

Good thing...

Cause I was about to cry? hmmmnnn... a bit... ummm... maybe..

But in my dream, I was already calling my mom telling her that I'm 1 hour late for work and I got terminated..

*whew*

AND! I was so soo sooooo early at work today. I arrived about an hour and so earlier.. haha!

...sometimes it's really good to wake up in reality...

dilemma

2008-10-11T20:33:00.008+08:00

[overdue post --- October 8, 2008]

09 -21-2008 copyright Dilbert.com

My head is aching.

Last week I was about to lose a loved-one. But right now, I'm facing a new dilemma..

A dilemma where there is no turning back and no work-around about it.

I was friggin late today. I thought I could still make it on time though but unfortunately I did not.

And the hell.. my company doesn't give any lee-way to any tardiness and absences even though for at least 3 minutes or excused absences (like when you called-in sick and you have the necessary document to prove that you are sick)..

A thought of resignation came to my mind but the heck I can't because I'll be paying the bond stated in the contract for Php 100,000. Haha! Where the heck can I get that friggin' amount?! (T T)

Anyway, I'm a bit scared that I'd be terminated. I'm still in my probie period. December would be my endpoint. That's my regularization month. I don't know how I'll be able to make up to this. But anyway, I'll still try to get high scores though. But don't count on my sales. Probably I need to focus more on my job than salivating on the out-of-town getways Bok and his officemates are having... too bad I've become one of their crowd.. And too bad they have the job I would have wanted.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!

Why do I get to become the unlucky one? And be the mojo for the other?!

That's quite unfair, you know. I've been a goody little girl and why should it always be me who needs to be in these situati? *snnff* *snnff*

...I can actually sense the hostility in the office... I don't know. People are just too nosy of what's goin' on with my personal life that everytime somethings up with me (tardy, evident eyebags, and more) they tend to think "something malicious" about me.

Quite immature and unprofessional.

I'll just up for a few months and focus on my scorecard. I'll still have fun with Bok and the Dell guys. And get in the office to work and for work's sake.

...I'm still uncertain about my future here (if I do have one)...

I'll need to set aside my plans of getting a higher position for now. I need to survive here for a year so that things done after that would be legal and would not affect my employment in the future.. just in case.

Anyway... I just need to focus. Save enough money.

And...

...

... call my mom..

another boring episode: candymag

2008-10-11T20:21:00.005+08:00

Another of those low-call-volume-days in the office.. And here I am again.. surfing through the web and got myself to answer these silly quizzes.. nyehehehe...

You're a reggae mistress! You love that distinct beat that gets you relaxed and energetic at the same time. You love the sand, the surf and laidback chic. Groove out with Bob Marley and the Wailers, Ziggy Marley, Black Uhuru and Jimmy Cliff.

Michael Cera from Juno and Superbad. Whatever "the simple girl" is, you know you fall into that category, and you expect your boy to be low-maintenance too. If you're not afraid to look silly and you think geek is the new cool, Michael's your man. (Seth who?!)

The In Your Face Dude/Jack Black. You're a sucker for the king of class clowns! He’s totally hilarious and every moment you spend with him is just one big riot. He's willing to make fun of himself to get a laugh out of you—but it can be a pain to get him to switch to his serious side.Watch him in: Kung Fu Panda, Tropic Thunder.

Chick Flick/Romantic Comedy. As a child, you loved fairy tales and dreamed that your prince charming would find you one day. Now that you're older, you're crazy about modern-day fairy tales (a.k.a. chick flicks). You often wish your life could be exactly like your favorite movie. But remember that life isn't about the prince, happy endings, and falling in love. If you play your cards right, you'll get your very own happy ending.

A Little Mystery and Adventure. Anything that calls us to walk an unfamiliar path is an adventure, parachutes and snake-infested jungles are optional. If you feel like all your days have melted into a single day, same morning routine, same conversations, same regrets while you stare at the ceiling before you sleep, it's time to choose the life less ordinary. You don't need to travel far for an adventure, what's different and daring could be waiting around the corner in a class, restaurant, or hobby you've been too scared to try; or even closer, inside you, like the fears you've been holding on to: of being judged, rejected, or alone. It's usually things we don't know that frighten us, and the only way to face them is to find out what they're all about. As the great poet T.S. Eliot said, "Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." The next time the thought of something scares you, take a deep breath and go for it!

Fear Factor. Chugging down a shake made from live house flies and blended maggots or free-falling from 200 meters above the ground -- most people find these gross and scary. But you find them exciting. Life just wouldn't be complete without your regular thrills and highs. Wild, outrageous, extraordinary, bizarre, and out of this world -- put them together and what have you got? Adrenaline-junkie you! Take more quizzes like this on Candymag.com

coffee blogthings

2008-10-02T14:04:00.006+08:00

I thought of changing today's post to this because the original post seemed too long. And I thought I may have also bored you to death with. Anyway, I took these test the same day I took the test I have in the original post.

These test were taken a few weeks back during a very boooring day in the office. There was very low low low call volume and so there. Thanks so much to mara I had myself things to do.

And by the way, I'm saving the other blogthings test results for future posts. I may still be able to make more meaningful posts to it.

Anyway, here goes:

What Kind of Coffee Girl Are You?

You Are a Cappuccino

You're fun, outgoing, and you love to try anything new.
However, you tend to have strong opinions on what you like.
You are a total girly girly at heart - and prefer your coffee with good conversation.
You're the type that seems complex to outsiders, but in reality, you are easy to please.

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

You Are a Frappacino

At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern

At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent

You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet

Your caffeine addiction level: low

What Does Your Latte Say About You?

What Your Latte Says About You

You don't treat yourself very often. You find that indulging doesn't jibe with your very disciplined life.

You can be quite silly at times, but you know when to buckle down and be serious.

Intense and energetic, you aren't completely happy unless you are bouncing off the walls.

You're addicted to caffeine. There's no denying it.

You are responsible, mature, and truly an adult. You're occasionally playful, but you find it hard to be carefree.

You are expressive and friendly, but you are never pushy.

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

Caffe Vanilla Frappuccino

Smooth and sweet, you fit in to almost any crowd. No one would suspect you of being a coffee tweaker!

What Kind of Tea Are You?

You Are Black Tea

You have a bold personality. You're not afraid of simply being yourself.
You have the courage to speak the truth. You are fearless in your actions.

You come off as a bit intimidating and unapproachable. Only confident people are attracted to you.
You don't try to scare off anyone. You're just an intense person!

deconstruction

2008-09-28T02:54:00.006+08:00

please excuse all the clutter...

i'm still on the process of giving my blog a total make-over. too bad i messed it up..
=(
i tried using the updated templates but i keep on seeing this ---> -- the wrench icon.. it's everywhere in the blog when you use the updated templates... it just annoys me.. hehehe...

i'm still fixing this clutter though...

it would take me days to change this... anyway, just keep on hopping by!

and thanks so much for visiting!

cheers!

whiten up

2008-09-22T11:29:00.002+08:00

we were asked to go on coaching status again due to low call volume..

i kinda got a little information overload after reading tutorials online so i thought of viewing my blog again and again... read old posts.. and decided to hop from one blog to another...

i just realized though... that i have been so selfish and got so consumed of my "issues" (whatever. i know i'm still suffering) that i was not able to recognize the good things that have been happening to me.. i cannot say just for lately but i think a bit then..

i have analyzed that after reading posts from other blogs. on how they marvel on what life has given them, through ups and lows.. but more on the good times..

earlier, i have been browsing my blog. just reminiscing my not so distant past... and there was this dim inkling inside my head saying: "i need to grow up. i need to grow up! i have to grow up!"

i guess the root of my very discontented state is my failure to see how i am changing from day to day with all the troubles and lucks i have been experiencing, especially after i finally left the comfort of my home and settled on my own in the big city, to which i should be so joyful about.

just this week, a thought of wanting to heal myself popped-out of my delirious mind..

i do mean it. i want to get healed. i know it would still take time, but i am willing to wait.

i knew that from the very start, i have been refusing to accept the pain.. i did not give myself enough time to sulk, whine, scream (if i need to), about the pain the was caused..

time is ticking. and there's no more time for me to be like this. i don't want to bluff anymore. i need to be real. i need to start.. i badly needed to..

so, this thought of changing the appearance of my blog sprang. i need to lighten-up. i want to change.

i want to become better..

hopefully i'll become soon.. *winks*

p.s reminds me of what my mom told me. she said she saw her belly glowed yellow aura while still pregnant with me..

mac arthur

2008-09-17T13:28:00.009+08:00

congratulate me!

finally i was able to read this book.. (round of applause please)

ang libro sa mga adik.. saklap na panghitabo..

*sigh*

Makes me think I'b be like Voltron and get my head cut-off.. aw..

reminds me of my lesson in Sociology of Deviant Behavior.. the victims and victimizers...

anyway, i don't know what i'm blabbing about in here.. all i know is that in some ways i am like them.. putting myself inside a mess that can't be undone.. worse.. i am aware of what i am doing.. though thinking that i am a victim of the worse circumstances that came to my life... *sigh*

or shall i say, "the circumstance" that became "me"

of pain and a child poet

2008-09-03T00:25:00.006+08:00

i found this poem from the internet during avail time (meaning idle time, or there are no calls) in the office... i don't know how you would see this poem.. *smiles*

Ruhe

Pain isn’t meant to be held in your arms;
Not meant to turn your palms red with cuts;
Not meant to puncture your heart.
And yet you let pain live within you. . .

I cannot forever be your medicine -I am the morphine.
Not the cure.

Let your wounds heal. Let the hurt escape.

You must rest.

Bearing your life in a plastic bag that has a tear -
It could leak any second.
And yet, we can find no thread to mend it.
I will not let you spill onto the pavement.
But sometimes I feel my fingers slipping.
And wonder if I’ve grown too tired to care.

Replace your broken boards. Let the hurt escape.

You must rest.

Every ticking second is precious;
Every moment and memory is alive.
Your life, the one I know you cannot love or hate, is fading
And brightening, surging and flickering.
But what will I do when the blackout comes?

Recharge yourself. Let the hurt escape.

You must rest.

By Alexander, 10th grade
submitted to the Edgar Allan Poe exercise at Totally Optional Prompts

thought-em pole

2008-08-25T23:27:00.003+08:00

August 23, 2008

Saturday, 10:35 PM

Thanks to the long avail time, I am able to hop from one blog to another. And was able to write quite a lot of my thoughts...

----

It's another day in the office. *sigh*

It's freezing cold and I'm wearing a sweater with plunging neckline which shows off the mole in my chest. And ironically I brought with me my spill-proof mug, in it is water and ice tubes..

----

Blogs I've hopped to and fro:

*Bluemoon shluemoon

*Pointing Out Pointlessness

*Freshness Factor Five Thousand

*I Live, I Love, I am Me

--blogs listed in the bluemoon's list of reklamador, who are:

* belle
* andoy
* axon
* axon_3d
* jedi
* elan
* h3adrush
* tambok
* daos
* mara
* earnest

----

Daily astrology: August 23, 2008

:: in iGoogle ::

Yours is a battle between extremes today. On one hand you want some action; you have so much going on that your excitement can turn to high anxiety. On the other hand, a meager attempt at having some peace and quiet could, surprisingly, work so well that you feel rather isolated in your reclusion. For now, don't worry about making a choice; just see where the tides carry you.

:: in Yahoo ::

If you're just getting back into a relationship that has been on hold or on the backburner, today you might start to wonder if going back was the right decision. Things have changed a lot more than you realized, and it might feel like you two might not make it. But you should give this thing some more time. It's way too soon to make such a drastic decision. Have a talk with the other person involved and see what they think. You're probably on the same page.

Daily Flirt:
A dear friend has a few words of advice for you -- and it's time to really listen! You've got to take it pretty seriously, even if you don't really believe it, because things need to change soon.

Daily Couples:
It's tempting to brush those nagging issues aside, but you'll have to face them eventually. Why not start now? Once you start the conversation with your honey, you'll find it's not so bad.

Tomorrow's Astrology forecast: for August 24

Interacting with strangers will be lots of fun today -- like it or not, you are going to be giving off a ton of totally flirtatious energy, which will be causing people to smile at you. Watch out for eye contact that lingers just a bit longer than it needs to! If you are on the market, this could be a fabulous day for you -- get some digits and add some bulk to your little black book. But if you're taken, you still enjoy the harmless-but-fun energy!

Daily Flirt:
Your intellect is incredibly alive today -- and it's far more attractive than you'd think! People are looking to you for answers, ideas and good times, and you don't disappoint at all.

Daily Couples:
Something's gotten into you today -- you can't stop flirting with your honey! Your actions have a strong effect on them, and they love every minute of it. Tonight is bound to be one you won't soon forget.

---

"where's my rubix cube?"
"tee el!"

my irony list

2008-08-25T23:25:00.004+08:00

#1

I've been nagging Bok to quit smoking but I hate it when he doesn't let me smoke.

#2

I said I wanted to lose weight but have been eating a lot these days. Say twice in the office and before going to bed..

#3

I'm depressed of having not been able to get the room where I've planned to move to next week but haven't got the money to pay for the rent.

#4

I said I don't like to work as a call center agent anymore but still landed with the same job after a few months of bumming.

#5

I told Bok that it's OK for me if he'll go out with his new found friends but I'm on the verge of crying while saying this.

#6

We always say that: manimba mi sa Sto. Nino (means to attend the Holy Eucharist) but have been just church visiting.

#7

I've been crying everynight now due to a lot of frustrations. But when I was confronted to tell what these are, I couldn't think of any..

...I'm quite an ironic person.. and these are just some of my ironies...

August 23, 2008
Saturday, 09:23 PM

Astrology forecast for Aug 22

2008-08-25T23:23:00.001+08:00

Daily Horoscope for Gemini

You might feel so at ease with what's happening that you slip into unconsciousness, only to suddenly wake up as your mind lights up with a brilliant thought. You may not know what you want, but you are sure that you want something beyond your current situation. Once you realize how bored you are, then you are capable of turning your life upside down so you can at least try to have some fun.

By Rick Levine
Friday, August 22, 2008

Home-lone

2008-08-25T23:16:00.003+08:00

August 22, 2008

Friday, 05:13 PM

"I'm like a bird, I only fly away.
I don't know where my soul is,
I don't know where my home is.."
--- Nelly Furtado

I'm feeling depressed right now. I feel so homeless.. not that I am homeless though.. It's just that I've been planning to move (again) to another place next week.. which is supposedly better than my recent crib.. I was already looking forward for it.. next week... a new home.. a nicer one...

But then last night my officemate told me that someone already got the place just early yesterday...

It broke my heart.

I feel so low.. *sigh*

I would have wanted that place.. I still haven't got the chance to see it but as per Kitten's description.. It's perfect! =C

It's just a pad.. like a big room.. not that big though.. but big enough for me... it has it's own bath/toilet... It's located in the heart of the city... The neighborhood is fine.. It only costs 3,500 Php a month (excluding water and electricity)...

huhuhu...

My beau kept on telling me that maybe that place wasn't meant for me...

I tried to comfort myself too.. but whenever I think about it.. it made me feel lonely..

It sucks!

Yeah, I'm free as a bird.. and yeah... I don't know where to find that place I can call my home..

Hello Word!!!

2008-07-15T03:21:00.000+08:00

I am still alive (if this is what you call this) and kicking... and breathing... air.. and carbon dioxide.. and smoke.. and fart...

I am still quite homeless (just quite)... a bit of deranged (mentally).. alienated (in a lot of ways).. however, coping with these changes with acceptance... (hmmm)

I kinda miss my stuff... my art materials.. (left them in the "pink room")... I am not completely settled that's why I didn't bring them with me the day I left the pink room...

Anyway... I haven't heard anything from the rest of the world... and the rest of the world haven't heard anything from me... yeah.. haha... I just remembered!

Someone-I-once-knew told me that the reason I felt alienated or left by the people whom I considered my friends.. is BECAUSE.. of the fact that I am hanging out with a NEW CROWD... hmmmn... I didn't believe that person though... But I respect that person's idea...

I don't even have a crowd... and never even had one..

Well.. anyway... I feel like crap.. just so you know... not of something that you thought I might have done.. But with a lot of things that I just can't speak out... And remember... I know they're lurking somewhere in my delirious mind though... they're like malware.. they keep on popping-out from time to time... and they seem to increase in number...

*sigh* I f only my brain is like a friggin' computer hard disk which I can scan for errors and threats.. and clean-up to remove excess information/baggage... or just re-format when everything is really way out of hand... grrr...

I don't feel like I am going to live long enough to tell my crappy tale.. But that's fine.. doesn't matter...

Nothing matters anymore.. nothing...

I talk like I am really losing.. or you might think I AM JUST BEING PATHETIC... That's how you think.. the hell I care...

grr.. now I think I am...

Anyway... I really just need to write something out...

Really.. Just wanna say hello... (^^)/

Because I can't keep on puking.. or trying to puke.. because we can't puke words.. only alcohol and excess food digested in our stomach..

Anyway...

HELLO!

My I.Q

2008-05-29T19:47:00.001+08:00

Free-IQTest.net - Free IQ Test

This is the day

2008-05-29T19:08:00.002+08:00

SEVEN

2008-05-21T09:50:00.003+08:00

was tagged by the bluemoon..

1. wrath:
who did you last get angry with?
:: cokaliong shipping lines

who did you last get pissed off with?
:: hehe... alex

who was the last person who got really angry at you?
:: alex.. i think so..

or can you let them go easily?
:: i guess so.. haha! depends!

2. sloth:
what is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?
:: stretching.. hehe.. play with my keyboard.. play rpg's... =( talk to Balto (our dog)

what's the latest you've ever woken up?
:: 9 a.m, as far as i can remember...

who have you been meaning to contact, but haven't?
:: my friend sidney..

how many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?
:: 0 times.. no need for an alarm clock today.. I'm in my hometown..

3. gluttony:
meat eater?
:: yeah.. but i prefer veggies..

what is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting, outing or event?
:: hmmnn... i don't count.. =P

have you ever used a professional diet company?
:: nope..

4. lust:
how many people have seen you completely naked
:: two

ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation
:: uhuh! there were countless moments..

what's your fave part of the body?
:: men: chest and collar bone
:: women: i guess the boobs.. haha..

have you ever made a proposition with a prostitute?
:: never tried

5. greed:
if you had $1 million, what would you do with it
:: pay debts.. and travel..

you rather be rich, or famous?
:: rich

6. pride:
what is the one thing that you've done that you're most proud of?
:: being able to build my own business at the age of 16

one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?
:: got a job after bumming! haha!

what would you like to accomplish in your life?
:: there actually are a lot.. hehe.. i would like to travel, be it here or abroad... build mamang a kitchen.. maybe, finish another degree... (=

what did you do today that you're proud of?
:: told myself that i will start saving on my first pay.. and pay my debts..

7. envy:
if you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?
:: someone better: taller version of me, someone who can sing better, someone who can groove a little

have you ever wished you had a different physical feature?
:: only at certain moments

May 19 Post

2008-05-19T12:44:00.004+08:00

It's May 19. Monday. I'm in my hometown right now... in Iligan, still alive and kicking. I'm writing this post at Asia GM.. a place which transported me 4 years ago... (= where it all started.. Where "clerihew" was born...

I'm just happy I'm back in this place.. I'm not expecting anything from my past.. especially from four years ago... I know I was happy then... But right now.. I'm happy that I'm slowly learning to trust... Slowly knowing myself again... I'm thankful.. I am still blessed after all.. We all are.. I accept what happend and I'm willing to accept what else would come... I just hope I'll be a lot stronger after all the lessons I have learned.. I'm still learning though.. It's okay.. It really pays to be a little patient sometimes...

Anyway, today is my little sister's debut.. And tomorrow I'm off for the big city again.. Hopefully, someone is waiting there for me.. to hold me.. through heat and the rain.. (=

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Just wanna take this time to post my horoscope for today:

You'll spend much energy in order to solve problems that have been shelved, but will sometimes be tempted to postpone them. Make an effort to do some physical exercise every day. In your work, you'll achieve certain ambitions dear to your heart. The time will be well chosen to explore what you always want to know. Risks of quarrel with an in-law or a close friend.

Growth?

2008-03-27T11:22:00.003+08:00

A friend sent me this message:

"I just cherish growth so much that I couldn't stand something languish."

... a sad fact... a very sad fact... and if so... I wouldn't want to grow....

... I beg not to grow...

Flashy Words

2008-03-14T23:12:00.002+08:00

Shihan from the Def Poetry Jam

I could just relate to this poem.... please listen to it...

Thud Thud

2008-03-12T13:27:00.000+08:00

*thud*

The sound of my heart.. my heartbeat... good thing it is still here... and I thought I lost it.. Maybe it was just silenced... Or numb... Because as you can see... (I really don't want to shout this out to the world...) my 4 year fairytale-like relationship with my beau has halted.. Call me in denial.. (duh..)

But anyway... it's nice to hear or feel that "thud" sound again... Right now.. I am editing my resume... and after a couple of minutes I'll be attending a job interview... so.. it's nice to hear "the thud"...

haha! I am nervous.. awww...

...Guess what... I am hoping that it isn't the last time I'll hear and feel that "thud" sound... I really am still thinking that this is just another "lapse" of some sort... and before I'll know it the "thudding" continues...

..because really... my heart is disconnected to my brain.. and I really don't know what the hell I am doing with my life... I just hope that this unfaithful fate will connect and tangle my heart and brain for once...

Huntress

2008-03-04T16:00:00.003+08:00

Name : Luna Moonfang
A.K.A: The Moon Rider

This is Luna... my favorite hero in DotA.. Anyway.. it's been so long.. and now I am back..

Back to playing DotA.. Back to explore the world.. Back to standing alone... Umm.. Back to hunting.. Hunting a job.. hehehe.. Oh well.. I feel like a huntress...

I actually need to get a job. Hehehe.. I needed a break and there I had it.. Right now I am sick... I have dripping nose.. a fever.. and also have an aching throat and heart...

This will be a new beginning... well... I am a huntress and I'll cut to pieces those who will stand in my way...

I am going to reach my dreams...

"The" February

2008-03-01T22:22:00.005+08:00

My February went by like a heartbeat...

My heart must've been skipping or have pounded too hard then...

It started with the sudden opportunity to move to a new apartment... new place.. adjustments.. new perspective..

Then came the gush of impulse.. absentism from work.. a little booze... tried a puff... and more of staring to the horizon moments..

Evolution

2008-02-16T23:43:00.004+08:00

I feel like crap tonight..

Is this because I felt bloated after having dinner with my boyfriend’s family who just arrived from Iligan?

Or is it with the bad coffee I had had before dinner? (which I called coffee nightmare)

Lack of sleep?

Am I just nostalgic because my boyfriend’s parents are here?

Is it with the comments left in my beau’s friendster account?

…

Guess what? I feel jealous.. I want to cry… I want to melt… I kinda don’t want to work tonight…

What’s wrong with me???

…

Earlier.. had this conversation with Lua.. (my new roommate…).. Oh well.. She mentioned that we graduated in college a year ago.. *bell rings* Reality check! That was a year ago… We are getting older…

I am getting older.. I am changing.. without me noticing it.. maybe because I’m too busy drifting in my memories… of my very good ol’ past…

I no longer get hypnotized with the word “dota”… oh well.. is it because my shop isn’t here or is it also because my ultimate playmate isn’t also here..?

I dunno.. my tastebuds changed.. I already thirst for coffee, before it was just milk or tea… I’m also becoming picky with the books I read.. and some films that I watch…The things I’m thinking…

The heck! I’m morphing!!!

I hope I’ll turn into a butterfly.. not into a moth…

Moalboal

2008-01-30T18:29:00.000+08:00

slippers. sea. shadow. sunset. seedling.

Indulgence

2008-01-20T04:49:00.000+08:00

Oh ye shall mark this day in all the history in my life here in Cebu as the first time I have ever really really indulged…

Today I stayed inside my room the whole day, like from dawn til dusk (well… that’s not new for me though).. But I stayed in bed for almost the whole day watched some movies and got a load of junk food.. ugh! Very good for the bulging belly..

Anyway…

I started with finishing the remaining Death Note episodes that I haven’t watched.. Well… don’t ask me how I felt after watching.. Coz I felt sooo evil.. oh well.. there I said it…

I did Lua a favor and got my feet muddy which made me to stay home… By the way, the weather was really good... it was raining outside… so I decided to stay put.. and watch movies instead.. I watched Sister Act I and Sister Act II.. because unfortunately I was still not able to watch these movies as far as I can remember…

Siete

2008-01-10T01:07:00.000+08:00

Oh well.. I was tagged by lua... hmm... last december i guess... well congratulate me 'coz i finally got to my senses (a bit)..

And oh! I don't really like to reveal myself.. but anyway here are seven facts about me:

1. i hate cockroaches (big or small, dark colored or not, flyers or non-flyers)

2. i am soo ironic

3. i collect keyholders and any memorabilias (be it a fallen leaf, pebbles, seashells)

4. i love animals

5. i don't like too much sweets

6. i have very high pain resistance

7. i had a very traumatizing singing experience.. =(

There. I'm done. Now I'm tagging the caterpillar, johnnski, alo, sensei.. and... trickyboy... too bad can't complete the list..

Well.. here are the rules:
1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Pick 10 others you would like to get to know better.
3. Let them know you've tagged them by leaving a comment on their blog.
4. And don't forget to give them the rules.

2008

2008-01-09T08:54:00.000+08:00

Hi.. Happy new year..

It's already more than a week after the birth of 2008 and I still haven't written my resolution and still haven't found my soul... =(

I feel sorry for myself for not being able to comprehend what other people say or do to me..

Just now, I feel so dumb..

I actually went home to my hometown during Christmas. I was happy to having been able to spend it with my family.. I was able to meet some old friends.. Though something was still missing...

I came back to where I am (for work purposes though) and spent new year here but I don't know.. Some people wouldn't just leave me as I am.. *sigh*

I wanted to talk to people but they seem to make me more and more confused.

At times I just wish that I just suddenly disappear. But that's not the way it goes..

!@#$%^&*

I just need wisdom!!!!

help... please...

Kapoy: full version

2007-12-14T00:54:00.000+08:00

Where have I been?

I've been sick for almost two weeks now.. Got myself checked yesterday for the second time.. Been x-rayed and had CBC...

Also just got my mind cleared out... not totally though..

I'm in the office right now. My shift starts at 2:30 a.m., so I still have time to share what the heck happened to me..

I had cough, colds, sore throat and fever.. Haven't fully recovered but I need to work.. Been absent for a couple of days.. I hope my boss isn't that mad at me... =(

Where it all began...

As I can remember.. It all started with me being placed in CAP (C* Action Plan) for being unable to shed a minute from my AHT (average handling time) ... please excuse all these call center jargons, whatever..

Hadn't got enough rest because of the hot temperature during noon..

Then I got so anxious with the package that didn't arrive on time, which I still have to go and fetch from the "package company".. grrr...

I was also forced to dance my butt out during an anniversary celebration in the office.. people had a blast.. but I didn't.. I don't dance and most of all I don't to be forced to dance...

Also got paranoia attack... some issues with girls in the office...

And some issues with boys in the office... grrr... I'd love to blurt it all out here but never mind.. PM me if you wanna know... basta! verrrrrrrryy long story... grrr... and naay part na still bugs me...

Then here comes boredom.. so i tripped.. puffed a week-old cigarette which is supposed to be a souvenir..

So.. it started.. the cough... then the colds.. then the sore throat... then the fever... then the tummy aches.. the headaches...

Then... the pang of nostalgia hit me.. really really hard... grrr... Being sick made me miss home really really badly... It made me miss the herbal concoctions that my mom used to brew to help relieve my fever and cough.. Also I missed my sister giving me a massage which always helped me a lot... And mostly.. I missed my beau more.. lying there on my bed.. alone.. was really worst... *sigh* Kinda gotten used to having him beside me during tough times.. especially when I feel ill...

One more week to go and I'll be spending a week at home... I need to survive this...

By the way... Just last night.. I kinda lost myself... really got stressed out... lost my mind... cried the whole evening... cellphone.. some stuff flew anywhere inside the bedroom including medicines... I hate to admit it but I had tantrum attack...

I just miss my loved-ones really really badly...

..oh yeah.. by the way, the doctor told me that if I won't be cured.. This would lead to pneumonia... =((

My beau's sick too...

I just hope everything will be alright...

kapoy

2007-12-02T21:48:00.001+08:00

It's sunday evening. I'll be working tonight... *sigh* I'm not burned out but just tired.. I need more sleep.. I need more time with myself.. I need to create scrapbooks.. I need to finish reading the books I've borrowed... I'm kinda exhausted talking to customers who do not know how to listen...

waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! kapoy...

Adik Mode

2007-11-27T14:15:00.000+08:00

Time check. The computer clock says it's already 2:15 P.M. My shift ended at 9:30 A.M. but here I am.. in addict mode.

My partner in lakwatsya is not here.. She is home - in Iligan.. with her family and our friends.. so noone is gonna look for me and somewhat reprimand me (peace Lu..!)

After my shift I did some "work stuff". Waited for my direct supervisor and went directly to the sleeping lounge where I currently am posting this entry.

My hands are kinda stiff with the freezing temperature of the room but I beg not to discontinue with my entry.

Well... as you can see below, I was able to finally post the event we had last RD which I was dying to post since Saturday evening.. But there it is.. finally..

But still continued with the editings but also came across reading my previous posts.. (from the very beginning)... And realized a lot of things... One would be that over the past, I've only posted a few entries in this blog.. And also... I missed to post the follow-up activities with almost half of my total number of entries.. hehehe... hopefully... since I already have this free internet access (almost daily), I think I can hopefully post every event that's happening with me.. But for a change.. I won't promise any.. hehehe... but just keep posted though..

Hmmnn... It's already a Wednesday afternoon.. My back is aching, my tummy is grumbling, and my hands are freezing..

I don't have work tonight since today would be one of my RDs for this week (and next week, I guess..)..

Oh well... my addict mode won't end here though.. I'm still planning to do the laundry and read the books I've just borrowed from an officemate..

"Adik" --- that's what they call me.. so.. here's my post for today.. The adik is still not signing-off though...

tuh-tah for now!

Another Uncaptured Moment

2007-11-27T13:12:00.000+08:00

I spent an intoxicating evening last Saturday (11:24:07) at The Outpost.

If you were able to read my previous entries, The Outpost was the bar I've had had a good time at the last time I had my RD (rest day). It actually is an artists' haven here in Cebu. An old house (made during the Spanish era) turned into a cozy place where most of the local and national artists hang-out. Inside you can find a small bar, a stage, tables and chairs, and paintings, guitars, all sorts of installation art hanging on the walls. Outside the house, you'll see the cottages that they've put where people can huddle together. They also placed some torch along the pathway which added to the bewitching feel of the place.

Anyway, going back to event.. last November 23-25, the Cebu Guitar Festival was celebrated at The Outpost.

Well.. good thing it was still mine and Lua's RD.. so the "three little girls"* went there...

We were kinda late when we got there. A few bands have already played and the place was packed the moment we arrived. But good thing that we found a spot just outside the house. We found an empty bench and sat there listening to the music from the inside while looking at the people below.

As usual, we remembered our friends who are way back home when we heard the band playing blues and funky music. And almost drift into the music. However, we were distracted and kinda got some attention there at our spot when an old man (probably a regular) asked to sat beside me. While we were chatting once in a while, and listening to the music, we also watching people's activities in front of us.. which includes a magician who's playing some magic tricks, entertaining those whom he passed by.

Oh well.. his name's Gene.. Not the magician you are thinking.. Not the one with a cape, a long round hat, and a wand.. But a guy in his early 20's.. With glasses and curly hair.. Dark complexioned and dressed like a combination of a goth and punk. Well... he brings with him his deck of cards though..

So there.. we were chatting and listening to band playing when suddenly Mr. Regular (the old man I've just mentioned) barged-in in our conversation. And guess what? He called Gene "the magician" to come over. Well.. that's what happened, Gene came over and showed us his tricks. So we kinda stole everyone's attention in just a snap.

We really wanted to get inside the house and Mr. Regular noticed it so he suggested that we get inside using the back-door.

Oh yeah, we were able to get inside but there were no vacant seats so we just stood there for hours. Ordered some drinks and stood near the bar. But got really crowded in that area so we moved a little to the center. I really didn't notice how long we stood there since I already got lost with the music, especially that it was the BLUES AND JAZZ night.. My hands could not really rest. They envy the keyboardists' hands and drifted away to the memories with my beau's hands.. (... missed those days where we would have our jazz and blues improvisation sessions at home or at our school's Rm. 309 (with the grand piano) )...

Anyway, as I've said.. the music was really intoxicating... at some glimpse, I was shutting my eyes while listening. And I had some kind of a high.. amazing!!

Oh well... just another event we never failed to miss but we failed to capture... again...

Just to inform you guys.. the reason why i don't have a lot of photos here, it is because I don't a have any sort of camera (on a phone, web cam, digital, and even the old kind..)...

Really is frustrating to think that I was unable to capture a lot of moments.. including this... =(

*Originated from Lua. Refers to me, Lua, and Pebble..

Maintenance

2007-11-25T09:51:00.000+08:00

This is my after work activity for today. Just doing a little editing with this blog. (=

I know I haven't doing any clean-up or whatsoever.. But here it is anyway...

Just also wanna greet you a Happy Sunday! (=

There are a lot of entries that soon will be posted here. So just keep hopping by. I also have a lot of ideas which I'll hopefully channel out as words..

Well... Ohayoo gozaimasu!

Gotta go home and get some sleep..

Lando

2007-11-20T23:35:00.000+08:00

Lando... probably first that I have met of his kind.. strong gust of wind.. rainfall that seemed unending.. that's how they are I guess...

Yesterday, Cebu was under signal number 2 after being hit by the tropical storm, "Lando"...

Unfortunately, with the kind of job that I have, we would still have work not unless the building where we work at would be blown away.. However, good thing that the company that I work for provided buses for employees to ride on to and fro the office.. We also had free meal during last night's shift...

Oh well.. earlier... there were power outages on some parts of the city.. As what we've heard, flights were already being cancelled.. Traffic jammed downtown because of damaged structures and uprooted trees.. haven't seen the actual scene though since I was inside lua's room, safely cuddled to sleep for in the evening there still is work waiting for us... but good thing that Lando already passed by Cebu when we woke up..

Haven't heard about how much damage Lando has brought about here but I guess it's not like what happened to my hometown where until now there is still power and water outage.. The main river overflowed and caused death to some students and the bridge to crack (as what I've heard, that is)...

But I'm just happy that my family is safe however only depending on my brother's cellphone for communication since my parent's phones were out...

Just hoping everything will be alright as the day starts for them tomorrow...

*Sigh* "Si Lando naman talaga oh.."...

"R" Days

2007-11-18T04:26:00.000+08:00

Had my rest day last Thursday 9:31 A.M. to Sarturday 9:59 P.M...

For this kind of job the rest days would not really mean that you'd have it on a weekend. And if we say rest day, that would not just mean that I would spend my break sleeping all day. But it would mean having fun at home or somewhere else..

Well.. it was a good thing that last Thursday was our payday. So it meant that I can eat out on a fancy resto and go where I would want to go... (=

I really had fun last Thursday and Friday.. well.. the rest I spent sleeping for energy before work..

Okay.. here's what happened:

SPURRRR-of-the-Moment

Thursday, November 15, 2007

After shift, I had brunch at Starbucks Cafe since my friend Lua is craving for Blackberry Green Tea frap that they have there.. Well I had my Peppermint Mocha frap and Strawberry Bliss Cake... yum! We stayed for an hour or two, eating and chatting (the usual..).. After that, we just went home to dress up. Then went to the mall.. Inside the mall, we stopped by some shops and did some important tasks before we went about strolling.. We visited the art gallery, then some shops whose goodies caught our eyes, then the Fair Trade Center where we bought some of our fetished stuff (earrings and necklaces..)...

We were supposed to meet with some bandmates in the evening because Jagat (the oldest among our bandmates) planned on treating us with Titanic ice-cream at Bigby's.

Jagat did not work that day so he met us on the afternoon and treated us with coffee. They had their usual brewed coffee and I had my usual cup of latte. After some sips and short chat, we continued strolling.

I didn't expect that caffeine would hit me differently that day.. After the stroll, we had dinner but I was already feeling unwell.. I was about to eat dinner when I can see myself being rushed to the hospital emergency room.. I was about to panic..

That was the high I got from the latte that I had. And just to take note I still haven't taken a sleep or even a nap that day. I could feel my body about to collapse and my heart was already palpitating. I tried to sleep at the resto but I cannot shut myself down because of the caffeine.

So I had the quick decision of going home..

I still couldn't sleep when I got home.. So, I tried making myself comfortable by lying on the floor with my back against my bag of laundry which is ready to be shipped to the laundry mat. Oh well.. that did the trick though.. slowly I was feeling really sleeping but a little dizzy... So I transferred to my bed but I fell asleep with a pillow on my back and face.. hehehe...

I missed the ice-cream that night.. hehe.. but at least I was able to get myself home just in time... or else...

Rhasta - Raggae Evening
Friday, November 16, 2007

The second day of the "R Days" is quite different from the "Spur-of-the-Moment Day". It's still fun but we had clean, cheap, and unexpected fun that night. hehehehe....

Well.. after the beauty rest, me and Lua dropped our laundry to the laundry mat then went to the mall to see the Yamaha and Perfect Pitch sponsored band competition which they call "Asian Beat".

The competition was participated by 21 amature bands in Cebu. What they meant for amature was that these bands do not have an existing record contract or has not been able to release a record. The competing bands were to play just one composition with there own choice of genre.

Various genre of music were played on that competition however we didn't actually finished watching the competition..

But instead we went to Ethiopia: Cafe 88. Our favorite cafe. Had a dose of caffeine and nostalgic conversations. (the usual... )

We were to go to The Outpost. It's a local bar where a lot of artist hang out.. (= But before that, we passed by the boarding house to drop some stuff and invited some friends but only Pebble was able to come with us. (=

There was some kinda gig there and we just really went to watch some of our bandmates tap their djembes. We never expected that celebrities and cool bands would be there.

Just our luck I guess.. And I know I'm always loss with words when I am overwhelmed. But anyway here's what happened:

+ Arrived at The Outpost. Felt kinda out of place coz the place was really packed.

+ We registered. Because we were asked to do so. And it's with no fee anyway.

+ Ishtamaya told us that Lourd de Veyra was there. We were excited and got flustered by the sight of him. And Tado (the comedian you see on T.V.. the one with big eye glasses and long hair) was also there.

+ Went inside the bar and got ourselves some seats.

+ Watched the video clips that were shown.

+ Ordered (iced-tea, four seasons, pineapple juice and Calamares.

+ Listened and sang along with the bands play ska, roots and raggae. Well... they are Island Joe, Skunky Muggles and Jr. Kilat..

+ There was technical issues with the microphone so the last band was not able to play their supposed to be last song which left the people hanging for more music.

+ Nataraj and Pradiip were tapping there djembes. Did not stop until we were able to form a big circle inside the place. Other musicians got their instruments and played with the beat. Lua and I were taking turns with the egg shaker. (.. I was tapping the table and my lap most of the time though)... hehehe..

+ People start dancing inside the circle that we made. We were asked to dance too but only Pebble lasted long on the dancefloor. hehe..

+ Twas already 4 a.m. and the bar was closing. Everyone packed and went home. Others stayed and still had a chat with other musicians.

+ We decided to feed ourselves and went to a nearby tapsilogan. I was sleeping while every had their share of tapsilog.

+ We said our goodbyes and went home.

+ Slept until Saturday noon. (=

I missed telling you the crunchy parts though.. hehehe.. just give bits about it:

* Tado offered to buy me a drink but I turned him down politely.
* Lourd de Veyra passed us by a lot of times. Though we never got the courage to chat with him or even ask for an autograph.
* Island Joe's really great. Their bassist was also cute whom my friends fancied.
* Pebble danced with Island Joe's males vocalist. (amazing!)
* A photographer took a picture of us. hehehe..

The three little girls and the big bad wolf.

Oh well... that was our Rest Day... And next week's RD would be... hmmmn... guitar festival... and karaoke... hmmnn... we doon't know what fun lies ahead..

Enjoy your weekends too guys! Or shall I say, your RDs!!

Not Too Late

2007-11-06T02:00:00.000+08:00

Tell me how you've been,

Tell what you've seen,

Tell me that you'd like to see me too.

'cause my heart is full of no blood,

My cup is full of no love,

Couldn't take another sip even if I wanted.

But it's not too late,

Not too late for love.

My lungs are out of air,

Yours are holding smoke,

And it's been like that now for so long.

I've seen people try to change,

And I know it isn't easy,

But nothin' worth the time never really is.

And it's not too late,

It's not too late for love,

For love,

For love.

This is the song that's poppin inside my head every now and then... =) A song by Norah Jones in her 3rd album (Not Too Late)...

Sailing

2007-11-04T03:03:00.000+08:00

It's been ages since the last the last time I have posted something here...

A lot of changes has occured in my life.. in my perspective about life.. and everything about me..

I have realized that it's time for me to sail again. I am not the bitter person that I had become for the last two months. And not the lazy brat who just sleep and eat anymore. And most of all, I am not the person who'll just sit there and listen and do what people tell me they think I should do.

For the past 2 months I have felt how to be numb but become stronger and contented in what life has brought me. Though, that is not that easy for me at the very start.. And right now I still wouldn't know what I would feel and become if I'd ever lose something really precious the next time around..

But here I am.. Sailing.. in calmer waters I guess...

Yes.. me and my beau broke up but we got back together after 2 months... (well.. that was last week to be exact.. hehhehe) And now I am so happy... and thankful that everyone is happy for both of us..

This happy state won't last long until both of us will be able to keep things goin' or rather choose to keep things goin'... Being back together is not the end.. I know both of us would be needing a little more patience and courage with this new beginning... (=

Well.. Everything doesn't exist with that area of my life though... regarding work, I'll be regularized this month and I'll then be in for more challenges and oportunities..

Regarding my family... I'm still hoping to see them soon... But I am more than happy to help them as always... (=

...And lastly... I have learned a lot about passion and friendship...

I have established new relationships with this new world that I am in.. I so glad that I am learning to trust other people again...

And of course I have learned about artists' passion in everything that they do.. how amazing that "passion" is...

Well... I guess to sum everything up... I learned about VALUES... about "values" itself.. value-ing what you have and what is given to you.. value-ing the people that you care about and cared so much about you too....

love y'all!!!
peace out! til my next post!!!

(=

Quickie

2007-09-19T06:58:00.001+08:00

This is just a quickie..! oh no! Not that kind huh..! hehehe!

I was forced to go home from work.. anyway, I just miss this place.. hope to bring a lot of changes here..

Just keep posted guys... The wake is done... I'm finished mourning... Well.. still unsure of some things.. of myself.. i guess.. but I'll be posting some stuff here....

Things are fast changing.. Time's running fast.. so.. keep on dropping by here...

I still miss a lot of stuff... loved-ones.. family and friends... and home.. of course....

I'm almost getting the hang of my job and this new life I am having...

Well.. this is the quickie! Just dropped by to say "HI!!"...

Like We Never Loved At All

2007-09-05T00:53:00.000+08:00

You never looked so good
As you did last night
Underneath the city lights
There walking with your friend
Laughing at the moon
I swear you looked right through meBut
I'm still living with your goodbye
And you're just going on with your life

[Chorus:]
How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye?
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?
Maybe that's just your wayOf dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

You, I hear you're doing fine
Seems like you're doing well
As far as I can tell
Time is leaving us behind
Another week has passed
And still I haven't laughed yet
So tell me what your secret is?
To letting go, letting go like you did, like you did

[Chorus]

Did you forget the magic?
Did you forget the passion?
Did you ever miss me
Ever long to kiss me?

Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

You, you never looked so good

by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill

Sailing = Drifting

2007-08-14T06:08:00.000+08:00

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~ Mark Twain

Everything is getting into my nerves... I don't know what or how to feel.. It was just yesterday that I was so happy... Now, I have met new friends I have new opportunities and it's just now that fate turned it's back from me! To hell with everything!

I want to understand but I cannot.. I want to.. I tried to.. but.. I cannot...

I cannot fathom this sudden turn of events...

The saying above used to be a description of this blog... I just changed my mind.. I don't wanna use it anymore... Because it's driving me crazy...

I don't know how everything turned out into this messy situation... I just sailed... But now I am drifting away from everything...

...

And I just thought this curse was already broken...

...

It's starting all over again...

..

..

I just hope this won't kill me...

Damn!

Fun Freebie!

2007-06-29T17:58:00.000+08:00

Living away from home and most especially in an urban an urban place made it clear to me that there is no such thing as a freebie.. Everything you want to have and do, you have to work for it..

I guess that's reality. And it sucks!

My life isn't like the way it is way back home. Here I have no computer, no t.v., free shelter, and no free food..

It's also no place to be such a couch potato...

Anyway, I'm getting the hang of it. But still, I am trying to adapt to this new way of living, especially living with friends. And hopefully trying to gain control of myself especially after and during payday, because I (or we) tend to splurge our money unwisely.

I recieved my scond pay last June 15 and unfeortunately, my money didn't last that long. My money disappeared into thin air a week before my next payday. Not to mention, my housemates also have the same situation as I do.

Last weekend was supposed to be my (or our) most boring weekend ever here in the big city because me and my housemates were penniless.. But what happened was the opposite..

Fortunately last saturday, was the last day of the French Film Festival. Me and some friends went there to see the movies because as we've heard it's for free. Haha! You've heard that right! And it was totally worth it! We've watched two films in a row. The second movie was really awesome!

YOU SHOULD WATCH THIS FILM..

THE PERFUME: A STORY OF A MURDERER

I'm sorry but I just won't talk about the details of the movie. Just watch it yourself... You won't regret it...

It was really nice being in that theater because you're people who know how to appreciate good films.. After the movie, everyone was really clapping their hands.. Anyway, it was already late when we got home... and it was raining... But it was really a new and nice experience for us..

And on sunday, still everyne was penniless.. We spent the day chatting. And as usual, we got together during brunch...

It was already late in the afternoon when we had our meal.. And during our meal, we got ourselves talking about our childhood and the games that we used to play.

After clearing the table, we found ourselves playing "sagudsud". It was really tough for us since it is played through skipping. You have to skip your way, hitting your "pamato" (a stone) all thrioughout the play area..
Well.. it was fun! We didn't only relive our childhood days but also gave ourselves an exercise..

After playing "sagudsud", we played card games.. They're "tong-its", "chiki-cha", "1-2-3-4 pass", "karga burot", and "unggoy-unggoy"..

I don't know. But it really was the best weekend I ever had here in Cebu.. It's a lot more fun than hanging out at bars.. And what's more, is it's for free!

And well, at least.. it still is reality that money can't buy happiness... *winks*

Whoa?!

2007-04-21T14:47:00.000+08:00

Hehehe.. Just across the street from this Korean-owned cafe is Biopath Diagnostics.. It is where employees of the company where I am gonna in have their medical examination.. yeah, right! I just passed the interview, the practical and written exams and have already signed the contract... (=

I'm hopefully waiting for the result of my medical exam so that I can start working on May 10.. hehehe!!

Anyway, I just came from the clinic.. and haha! guess what? err.. I just submitted my stool sample... (yaaaaak!!!) hahaha...

It really is a new experience.. But I don't want to ever do it again... hahahaha.

Well... Yesterday, I had my urine checked (and guess what?!?)... I have to fill one bottle with urine.. Oh my... And.. huhuhu... the doctor checked my breast.. I guess for some lumps.. ummm... she saw my bare breasts! huhuhu.. good thing the doctor was female...

...After my medical exam yesterday, I went to a net cafe just near where I live.. It's still a Korean-owned cafe.. The people sitting next to me are foreigners.. hahaha! Ako lang ang yagit ug dagway... hahaha...

While at the cafe, the male foreigner (I guess Italian) asked me who the artist of the novelty song "Otso-Osto" is... nyahahahaha!!! He told me they wanted to download the song... I was really laughing out loud deep inside.. waahahahaha!!

Yesterday at Daum Internet Cafe and Resto Bar, behind is the Korean owner

Four the record: a meme

2007-04-18T17:57:00.000+08:00

hehe.. i was tagged by the caterpillar.. so here's my four the record:

FOUR JOBS I HAVE HAD:
1. scrapbook maker
2. bar singer
3. freelance data encoder
4. home-based piano tutor

FOUR MOVIES I HAVE WATCHED OVER AND OVER:
1. Sweet November
2. Moulin Rouge
3. Everything is Illuminated
4. The Classic

FOUR T.V. SHOWS I LIKED TO WATCH:
1. Gilmore Girls
2. Bleach
3. One Piece
4. Grey's Anatomy

FOUR PLACES I HAVE LIVED:
1. Carbide Village, Iligan City
2. 542 Pala-o, Iligan City
3. Emerald Homes, Lambaguhon, Iligan City
4. Lahug, Cebu City

FOUR PLACES I WENT ON VACATION TO:
1. Malitbog, Bukidnon
2. Cebu City, Cebu
3. Cagayan de Oro
4. Bohol

FOUR OF MY FAVORITE FOOD:
1. KFC's gogo sandwhich
2. Mamee Noon's Ox Tongue
3. Peek n' Berry's Fetuccini
4. Greenwhich's Spaghetti Supreme

FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. me and my younger sis' bedroom in Iligan
2. my boyfriend's house in Suarez, Iligan City
3. at Simon Internet Cafe and Billiards in Iligan City
4. at a beach in Iligan (watching the sunset)

FOUR PEOPLE WHO WILL ANSWER THIS MEME:
1. Blue moon
2. Headrush
3. Patrick
4. Hoochiekoochie

The Hunt

2007-04-16T19:50:00.000+08:00

I can't believe that I am already in a big city on my own... I have just graduated in college about two weeks ago and now I'm already in Cebu... I am currently jobless and I'm actually seeking fortune here... I hope that I'll be able to find a decent job since my mom gave me only a month to find one...

Life really is not easy after all... Everything is really new for me.. the people.. the water?... everything...

I just hope I'll be able to bear everything...

Guys, You've Got to Read This!!!

2007-03-07T01:50:00.000+08:00

Hi guys! I have just recovered from my fever yesterday afternoon and now I'm spending the night at my beau's office/apartment to do some school stuff. I just grabbed this opportunity to post an entry here.. Actually I'm still not happy with whatever I've done with my blog.. I'll still have to look for my shout box and all others.. huhuhu...

Anyway, as I was surfing the net just now.. I came to this site and happily searched for the meaning of the Japanese word "kawaii", though I know what it means, then came to this word... WAPANESE... So, curious of what the word means.. Haahaaha... you better read this:

Wapanese

2321 up, 1028 down

“Wapanese” are decidedly caucasian individuals who, by means of thoroughly warped postmodern acculturation processes, have come to the decision that it is in their best interest to act as if they were denizens of the nation of Japan. The term “wapanese” can be accurately though of as an analog to wigger. A whitey can be classified as a “Wapanese” if they are in possession of two or more of the following defining traits:

1. Has an unhealthy obsession with shallow, saccharine and intellectually insulting animation shows (also refered to as anime by the nerd elite) originally tailored for young Japanese children

2. Operates under the erroneous belief that every aspect of American culture is vastly inferior to that of Japan’s – even though 99.9% of Wapanese have never had firsthand experience of any sort with their preferred culture (in other words, they’ve never set so much as one foot upon the island(s) of Japan)

3. Halfheartedly studies Japanese language and/or is a part-time practitioner of martial arts

4. Has a sword (samurai swords only, of course) collection

5. Is a Virgin
6. May be afflicted with a terminal case of yellow fever; however, they constantly fail in their quest for Japanese pootytang

7. Extreme cases may traipse around whilst wearing a “costume” that makes them resemble their favorite anime characters (this practice is reffered to as cosplay; cross-dressing and raging homosexuality is not an uncommon component of cosplay.

Interestingly, Wapanese are generally though of as “failures” and rejects within their own culture. Social scientists such as myself speculate that it was their failure to gain acceptance within their own culture than has lead many a white geek to seek out Japan’s culture as a surrogate; however, they’d be shattered to know that the insular and somewhat racist Japanese society would be even less accepting of them than the people of their true and native culture.

Wapanese munch on imported Pocky and wash it down with a bottle of Pocari Sweat.

by Dolphin_X Apr 4, 2003 email it

Wapanese images

some white girls trying to be Harajuku Girls

If you want to know more about the word... just click on the "Wapanese" pic above..

Quite A While

2007-02-03T00:02:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I've last posted here... a lot of crazy things have happened and I just don't like to talk about them anymore... sorry for not keeping you up to date friends...

Anyway... I'm at "the apartment" right now... We've just arrived from Dzyr.. (we play there every Friday, please do come by when you have time)..

Actually.. it's me and my kodomo's third anniversary.. hehe... it's been really a while... we had no major celebration since we had no money and we also have classes and some school requirements to submit...

But i guess... it's the thought that we reached this far with our relationship's what's making me happy...
well... there were a lot of happy times... fun-filled adventures as i'll call it... but there were also those.. you know na... hehehe...

basta! I'm happy... He's happy... We're happy... I also hope you're happy for us...

It's been really quite a while and now we'll be facing new struggles as individuals and as couples...

Driven for the Search

2006-12-12T23:46:00.000+08:00

I think the reason why I haven't really been posting here since the last time's because I'm still in this sort of "soul searching" thingy.. err.. I really haven't been to that.. umm.. But at least I've been thinking about it.. or maybe I'm really doing it.. uh! Whatever!!

Anyway... I really just wanted to find myself..

There are lots of questions that I would like to ask.. but somehow.. nobody's here to answer them... too bad..

At these times, especially when I'm alone in my bedroom.. or taking the jeepney ride home or wherever... I always find myself stuck inside me... and that it's becoming really noisy inside... and uh, at least I still find my way back to "reality"..

Right now, there are lots and lots of school requirements that I have to finish, accomplish my INCs, and finish my undergraduate thesis...

But the thought of the future always fill my mind.. thoughts of what may happen after graduation.. who I'll be with... where I'll be.. workin'..

But what really excites me about graduating in college is the thought of being able to go on the "soul-searching" thingy that I've been saying.. and (crosses fingers) hoping to be freed from the bondage of home... *sigh*

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhrrrrrggg!!! I can't wait that long!!

I'm parched! My lips no longer feel those sweet kisses! My body cannot feel the warmth of his embrace!!! I cannot feel everything! The happiness... the pain...

uh! I dunno... I can't even remember being injected with anesthesia... there could never be any possibility of overdose or whatever...

All I know is that at the end of the day, I'm hoping that my own two feet would lead me anywhere except... home..

at least I have these pair of feet... I'm just waiting for that time that they could feel the warmth of the sand.. and the sound of the waves would lull me to.. deep slumber...

Anyway, I guess it's at times that you feel really lost that you become driven to search for yourself... for the truth.. for happiness...

(crosses fingers)

aftershocked

2006-12-08T16:12:00.000+08:00

I don't know what I'm doing right now... Here I am... trying to amuse myself by surfing the net.. after having been kinda electricuted while trying to knock at the iSysDev apartment...

I just don't get it! On one time you feel so happy and secured.. but on the other (unexpectedly), you feel really alone and lost and really homeless and like you have nobody in the world to turn to...

I don't know... I really just don't get it... (*sigh*)

Anyway, I'm really penniless right now.. But good thing a classmate lend me a few which really helped.. since I won't be writing here if not for her money..

Well... it just happens, I guess.. On a split of a second you become nobody.. As if you really don't exist.. or maybe with the blink of an eye, I've been shifted to another realm...

.. no comrades ..no video streaming ...unanswered text messages ...no lyrics download ..no anybody

...just me and the world.. a cold cold, very cold world...

Maybe.. just maybe, there is an on-going maintenance session in the system of the whole universe..

It's really been a long time since I've been in my blog.. and good thing that I'm keeping one.. At least I have somewhere to go when maintenance sessions occur without notice... Or when apartment windows become unfriendly..

;(

2006-10-17T18:35:00.000+08:00

Sorry I'm too tired to write the details right now... I'm exhausted with all the school requirments which until now I'm still not done with.. I'm really lonely (like.. listen to this song, "Whiskey Lullabye" by Brad Paisely and Alison Krauss).. There are a lot of things in my head.. I feel really torned... uhuhuhu... I'm geting a lot more suicidal... :C OooooooooooH!

I'm sorry guys... I'll tell you all my mishaps on my next post...

(currently listening to "Cowboy Take Me Away" by Dixie Chicks...)

Blank

2006-10-11T18:28:00.000+08:00

I don't know what title to give for this entry..

Anyway, I'm surfing the net to hopefully finish one of my course requirements.. I don't know.. I wasn't really anxious on going online right now.. And now here I am.. Blabbing something just to have something to do.. or maybe to pump me up..

The internet connection's kinda' slow.. And.. basta! Seconds ago, my mind just went blank... like, here I am.. facing the computer.. and I feel like I don't know what I'm doing in here..

Yeah... I guess.. it's better that I'll just write so that I won't end up facing the monitor just wide-eyed... haha...

There are still lots of things that I have to get done with... Maybe.. I'll take a minute to "refresh" my brain or my system... whatever.. 'coz medyo nag-hang ako brain.. haha!

Maybe this is the after effect of doing nothing the whole day... anyway, my classmates promised to help me in the analysis for my baby thesis..

*sigh*

I'm exhausted... and.. errr... I can't find my beau...

I guess I'd better get started before I'll end up doing nothing...

Overnight Nothingness

2006-10-09T19:33:00.000+08:00

Well.. the title says it all... Last saturday I had an overnight "session" (chuva) in a net cafe.. haha.. for the second time.. but unlike the last time I spent my evening in a cafe, it was more cozy in the in the second one... like, I was able to sit cross-legged on the chair... hahaha... and, I didn't freeze to death? (exagge!)

Well... umm... it was better last saturday 'coz I was able to download a lot of stuff... hehehe... errr.. mp3.. haha...

Anyway, before I started surfing the net... umm... I don't know what hit me.. but, for about I dunno.. I was playing with the cam... hahaha! (ignoramus!)..

Well... I guess that's what I did the whole evening.. downloaded a lot of mp3's and of course (I just can't stand it.. haha..), I edited my blog... c=

And before I went to the cafe where I'll be spending my evening... I kinda' played DotA again with "the guys"... hehehe... and guess what?! I had TRIPLE KILL!!! mwahahahaha! :evil:

The nocturnal.. haha...

... And ummm... after being awake the whole evening... I spent the next day sleeping.. I finally woke up at five in the afternoon because I had those "whirling spells" again... It still occurs everyday for about minutes... =C I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't just lay in my bed all the time... it's finals week and I just can't give up everthing just like that... hehehe..

Oh! I had taho in the morning... hehehe..

Two Parts

2006-10-07T22:58:00.000+08:00

This is a two-part story which I finished inspite my aching stomach. I dunno if both have relevance with each other.. But these were what happened to me yesterday.. Here it goes:

Part I: The Result!!!

The doctor said it's POSITIVE... I'm gonna be a mom.. KIDDIN' (hehehehe)

okay.. I recieved the result last Thursday evening.. I was looking over it as if deciphering an ancient scripture.. I got confused actually because it doesn't tell anything about an abnormality in my hemoglobin count or something.. My mom also got confused so we decided to let my aunt (who is a nurse) see the result... and decipher the code? hehe..

So last night, when I arrived home I asked my mom about the result.. And alas! I was right.. My aunt said that the result says that everything's normal... (wierd...) However, my mom told me that I'm getting my eyes checked soon.. Because probably my eyes are the ones having defects..

waaaaaaaaah!!! that's bad news!!! well... on one hand it is since I won't be able to read the new book my beau gave me.. and my mom would probably be monitoring how much time I'd be spending in front of the computer.. However, it would also be a good news because "probably" I won't be prohibited to sing and stay out late at night because I'm anemic? haha! (as if I have a choice..)

I'm already feeling a lot better, however, the "the whirling spells" still occur (ssshhh... don't tell my mom...).. It doesn't stay long though.. It only happens for about seconds (an improvement, I guess..).. Anyway, it last occured early this dawn when I woke up.. it happened twice.. (heeeheee!)

Well... I still don't know what's wrong with me... probably it's nothing really serious, though I'm expecting the reverse..(haha! how pathetic..).. so there's nothing to worry about..

Anyway...One thing I learned from this experience... "BAWAL MAGKA-SAKIT".. Especially if you're a student of MSU-IIT and it's gonna be the finals week..

haha.. Anyway, wish me luck!!

Part II: The Hunting

After being sick, I attended class last Thursday afternoon.. Good timing 'coz everyone's (including us) getting their application for defense for the proposals signed by the professors.. (the defense is gonna be this Monday.. and our group is first to defend..)

Well.. the story goes like this...

After we've let our professors sign our application.. We were supposed to give them a copy of our thesis proposal, however, our group wasn't able to reproduce one so we promised them to give them their copies the next day (Friday, yesterday) early in the morning..

But due to some classes and misunderstandings.. we weren't able to do so...

When I was done printing and reprinting and reproducing copies for our professors... Too bad.. 'coz our professors have already left the office.. so.. we asked help to those who'll be meeting the said professors the next day...

But, we were left with no choice but to really look for them and hand them their copies... So, from our current destination (Sociology Dept.) we went out to Jollibee (just outside the campus) to meet one of our classmate who'll tell us how to reach one of the professor's house...

After repeating the directions again and again... we went to our next destination.. Our chairperson's house.. It was just a short walk though... since she lived somewhere outside the campus... good thing that she was playing with her dogs when we reached her home.. in good mood I guess..

Next stop was Sir Aguado's place... from the highway, we took a 15-minute ride... then walked a bit.. then got barked at by Sir Aguado's dogs... He was mumbling something about not taking it if it'll be given today, while reaching for his copy.. Well... we didn't mind him that much since we're already happy to have given our panel members their copies...

So again we took a ride... Me and Doreen went back to school still hoping to see our thesis adviser and give her her copy...while Joy went somewhere... Unfortunately, we weren't able to find our adviser there so we decided to go home and and just look for her the next day... But a good thing happened! (at least) Our adviser texted us and told us that she's attending a meeting and that she will be in school today at 10:00 a.m... It was a relief, I guess...

But we're still not saved with what is gonna happen this Monday...

Wish us luck!!!

Dizzy

2006-10-05T09:16:00.000+08:00

Okay... obviously, that is me.. but if you'll look really closely.. you'll notice something... see that? That white thing on my arm...

Oh well.. it's early morning and I'm already in a cafe.. I'm from the hospital, actually... got myself some CBC stuff.. I was advised by my mom to get my blood checked... for two days I've been ill... it's not the normal illness that most people feel (uh... i guess so...).. But it's not most of the time that people feel really dizzy.. like, you're already lying flat on your bed and still everything is turning...

I felt this way wednesday last week, I just got myself some sleep then sped to school since it was the last consultation before the deadline of our first draft for our thesis proposal... I never expected it would happen again...

Last Tuesday, a few minutes after everyone has left me home... I felt that dizzy feeling again.. At first, I just laid in bed hoping for the feeling to go away.. But it didn't... So, everytime I the "turning around" thing slows down, I rushed on doing something to help me.. I got outside to reload my phone.. Then, drank a glass of lukewarm water with sugar (hoping it would keep me alive.. just something I learned from my many fainting experiences..)..

I really got alarmed since I puked 3 times and still everything was still whirling round and round... and not to mention, I was alone... So, I sought help... hoping my "prince charming" would come to my rescue... Well... I texted him, but unfortunately his phone was turned off.. so I texted everyone (his classmates, my classmates) for help..

I was really scared.. I was already on tears and was gasping for breath while I was asking for help... I got soaked with tears and sweat... I really thought that it was the end... haha...

But anyway, my prince charming arrived when the dizzy feeling have already subsided... But I was still glad to have someone there beside me.. We just fell asleep... and when we woke up, we heard some familiar voices outside.. asking my neighbors about me.. We got really surprised that his classmates came..

They got worried with my text messages so they came, thinking my beau wasn't able to come... (i feel really sorry if they got worried, but I was so thankful they came..)

And, yesterday.. the same thing happened... However, I rushed myself to "the apartment" when the dizzy feeling started again.. I stayed there the whole afternoon...

Okay... back to the pictures... just as I've said, I got blood checked... It's my first time really... they got, I think, 5 cc of blood... I'm still waiting for the result.. I think I'll be able to get it this noon..

By the way, when I saw the injection and felt in my flesh... haha! I had second thoughts of dying!!! Well, stupid me..

Oh! I'm really sorry for having all the guys in "the apartment" worried... And thank you for your concern... C=

This is what I got after a lot of sleepless nights.. It still hurts.. a bit..

Clumsy

2006-10-01T04:59:00.001+08:00

Okay.. I was supposed to be finished editing this blog. I was alresdy happy and contented with the changes I made...

Then I thought of taking a peep with the other blog templates (just peep..) but I accidentally clicked the "Use this template button".. I never thought that the changes were already saved until I republished my whole blog after deleting some links..

And so... All of my efforts became really wasted..Oooooh! Just because of my clumsiness..

I don't have any time left to edit this blog back to how it's supposed to look since I've got only 45 minutes left to stay in this cafe...

I don't know when I'd be able to totally refurnish this blog.. Anyway, the posts were not affected so you can still view and read them and give comments on them if you'd like..

well.. my tummy's starting to beg for food... and my hands can't wait to get out of this really coooold place (brrr!)..

So keep hopping by!!

Good morning!

...

2006-10-01T02:45:00.000+08:00

I forgot to tell.. I just finished editing my blog... If you'd notice, I've changed the font size of my posts.. I just thought that tiny font size would be keeping readers away from this blog 'coz it's not eye-friendly...

And... umm... watch out for my future posts! I've got lots of things to tell.. Especially about my fiesta experience.. So please do hop by for a while sometime!

God bless.. and sleep tight?

c=

Brrr..

2006-10-01T01:55:00.000+08:00

I'm in a net cafe... Doing school stuff with my friend peter...

It's my first time actually, to surf the net overnight in a cafe...

Right now, my hands are getting stiff... and I'm starting to have the difficulty in typing... My mind's starting to get frozen with the coldness of this place... My mind's not working really properly so please excuse all the wrong grammars and mispelled words... The coolness of this place is keeping my hands off the keyboard... =C

I don't know if I'll last till morning.. But I guess I will... But still something's distracting me more than this freezing feeling... And it's making me wish that the airconditioner wouldn't just freeze my body but also my heart, just for tonight... Making it stop... Making it stop thinking about my special someone...

He's not too far away though. He's just in the neighboring city... for job reasons... and I don't know if at this moment he's still dancing with his friends in the bar.. having fun...

I'm not objecting with what his doing or anything... But I just can't stop myself from missing him... (Great! The radio's playing Alison Krauss' "Baby, Now That I Found You") = c And.. haha! that's another reason why I' m keeping myself awake all night tonight... 'coz I know I'd feel more depressed if I stayed at home...

So... I beg the airconditioner not to hesitate in freezing my heart just for tonight... 'coz I'd be waiting for my beau to come back and melt away all this icy feeling...

Brrrr....

Cluttered

2006-09-28T14:31:00.000+08:00

I noticed my blog's gettin' really messy.. And my posts are somewhat pathetic..(i hope not)..

So I decided I'd be cleanin' up this clutter.. probably after the final exams.. I guess, that would be in the 2nd or 3rd week of October..

And maybe I'll change my posting attitude... I dunno.. but loneliness or even anger is what drives me to write (though I'm not really good at).. I just noticed that I kinda' sound pathetic with my posts.. To which is not true.. (hmmmnn?)

I know, I'm having these hard times but it's better to remember all those good stuff that has been and is going to happen with my life... especially now that I already knew the truth behind my birth.. and me...

Well.. I may become the "loner" they call...

But I'll always be the innocent-looking little lady who is and will always be a fighter inside out...

hayyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Grounded

2006-09-26T17:27:00.000+08:00

...and I thought I was grounded..

Supposed to be grounded yesterday for spending a lot of time and money on playing DotA (inspite of my unfinished thesis proposal which is due tomorrow and other school requirements..) But there I was... surfed the web and did some hobo stuff and.. played DotA again..

Actualy I grounded myself.. It was supposed to be kinda' like a self mutilation thing.. But whenever I get to "that" apartment, and see "those" guys, and hear "the word".. I know where I'll be..

I just can't resist the game.. and those guys... C=

Anyway, being grounded supposed to mean:
* no playing DotA
* no playing Hobowars
* no surfing the net
* no going to "the apartment"
* no meeting my beau? O.o

But anyway... still.. I defied myself... and there I was earlier... played DotA again with the guys because I went to the apartment.. hehe!

and enjoyed the pleasure of feeling my heart beat faster... hehehe!

so I'm supposed to be grounded huh... but I'm still here, surfing the net.. chatting with my beau and doing some hobo stuff... hehehe!

'til my next post!!

Watch This!!

2006-09-14T16:56:00.000+08:00

This video was created by my lil' sis Jilly and her best buddy, Lianne...

Hope you enjoyed watching!!!

today's horoscope

2006-08-29T13:16:00.000+08:00

i'm really busy right now... just managed to read my horoscope... it's a bit significant, kaya post na lang nako... well... here it is:

The Bottom Line
It's all about creativity now -- go into the world and explore everything you see.

In Detail

It's all about creativity today -- so go out into the world and explore all the nooks and crannies you can find. Wherever you look, there will be hidden clues and fascinating ideas behind everything. Your curiosity is stronger than ever right now, so why not unleash it? You never know what you could uncover. If it's a good thing, you will have a whole new direction to discover. And if it is a bad thing, at least you will know better next time. Experience creates the best education -- period.

----by the way, Palakasan sa IIT karon!!! Night of Songs unya!! Wish us luck sa choral singing!

Passin' By

2006-08-11T13:01:00.000+08:00

Hi guys!!

I'm quite busy with a lot of stuff right now (thesis proposal, baby thesis, biz, etc...)...

I wasn't able to update you with what happened during the Charter Week Celebration... Lots of stuff went on after that... We had the CASS Days.. Still... lots of stuff happened... grrr... horrible stuff... And lots and lots of things are happening in my life daily... I'm really sorry.. I just don't have time to write right now...

Anyways... We no longer play at Dzyr... Tonight will be our (me, Alex, Zaldy and Angelo) first night (as regular) at Uling Ug Ice... It's not really a fancy place like some other bars... But I like it there 'coz lots of people come and it's fun because people listen to you sing and they also sing along whenever we play their favorites...

So.. If you have time... care to drop by at Uling Ug Ice every Friday evening... It's the old Nitz Place... They also serve meals... the food is great!

I guess, I'll just end here!
'Til my next post!!!

God bless!!

New!

2006-06-29T16:51:00.000+08:00

Wala lang!!!

Hehehe! Wala lang... There are just new stuff going on in my life! And this is really new for this blog since this is the first entry that talks about a positive outlook in life! I just feel really optimistic these days! And I'm willing to share it with you!!

SCHOOL:

I'm already part of the Executive Council of the college where I belong, eventhough I was not able to win in the KASAMA Elections that was held last semester.. The Vice Governor of the college appointed me as his secretary... hehehe! I kinda' had second thoughts at first, but still accepted the task anyway... With this, I'm able to meet new faces, new friends... And my job as part of the E.C is somewhat tiresome but I still enjoy it! Just like old times!!

BIZ:

I'm really happy 'coz lots of people are buying my products! And best of all... I've been given an opportunity to sell in the Bazaar for the upcoming MSU-IIT Charter Week! Well, I won't be alone.. I'm sharing the space with my mom... I know this would really help our businesses! We're having a bit of a problem with the money to invest, but I guess we'll be able to find a few bucks to help us! I'm really excited about the Bazaar! Really! But I hope that we would be able to earn a good profit out of the activity!!! (*crosses my fingers) Wish us luck guys!!!

MUSIC:

I guess I wasn't able to let you know that I'm already singing in a bar.. umm... Every Friday I sing at D'zyr for a few bucks which really helped my parents a bit..Because, the money I'm earning goes to my two-day allowance.. And I'm really about it because, to let you know, to sing in a bar was my ambition since highschool... And I'm very happy about it because I started singing before I turned 20 years old.. hehehe! And I was also able to sing in Tatay's Grill, a classy resto here in Iligan... And lastly, a new opportunity is coming because I was told that Iliganon Bar is in need of a band... So, we (me, zaldy and alal) are willing to apply... And luckily, Zaldy knew the owner.. So.. (*crosses fingers again) We're really hoping we'll be able to make it... So.. wish us luck again guys!!!

I guess that's all... ummm... with my LOVE LIFE... hehehehe! Nothing's really new, except that everythings going smooth between me and my beau... Even if we're already starting to "not seeing each other" again because of our busy schedules... We're still both happy... No fights and misunderstandings so far... hehehehe! (Dapat lang!) And so happy for him with the career opportunities he's having! Hehehe! Medyo teacher na siya karon! Heheheh! Anyway, he's in the other room having a class... And we still love each other sooo much!

Love you ngets!! *mwah*

My Week-Long Vacation

2006-04-08T17:06:00.000+08:00

Trip to Bukidnon

2006-04-08T16:56:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the late post..

Anyway, the pictures below were taken during our fieldtrip on Socio 128: Human Ecology at Malaybalay, Bukidnon last March 5, 2006.

It was really an exhausting trip, say some of us were told that the assembly time is 3:00 a.m... and that we were able to arrive back at Iligan at 9:00 in the evening...

I enjoy the trip though.. and I can really say that for me was really full of farting moments... haha!

It was the first fieldtrip that I joined where we rode a van, because usually it's a bus or the coaster..

I also played a part in the trip of course! Ummm... aherm! I was the official First Aid attendant... hehehe! And my first time to attend to an unconscious person since one of my classmates fainted at the moment we arrived at our first stop which was the Kaamulan Grounds at Malaybalay City, Bukidnon...

Well, below are some of the pictures that were taken during the trip:

Together with my classmates at the Kaamulan grounds

a solitary place

pabadlong sa monasteryo

Me with Norolyn, Vera, Jehan and Juhaina @ the "wishing bridge"