Driven for the Search

I think the reason why I haven't really been posting here since the last time's because I'm still in this sort of "soul searching" thingy.. err.. I really haven't been to that.. umm.. But at least I've been thinking about it.. or maybe I'm really doing it.. uh! Whatever!!

Anyway... I really just wanted to find myself..

There are lots of questions that I would like to ask.. but somehow.. nobody's here to answer them... too bad..

At these times, especially when I'm alone in my bedroom.. or taking the jeepney ride home or wherever... I always find myself stuck inside me... and that it's becoming really noisy inside... and uh, at least I still find my way back to "reality"..

Right now, there are lots and lots of school requirements that I have to finish, accomplish my INCs, and finish my undergraduate thesis...

But the thought of the future always fill my mind.. thoughts of what may happen after graduation.. who I'll be with... where I'll be.. workin'..

But what really excites me about graduating in college is the thought of being able to go on the "soul-searching" thingy that I've been saying.. and (crosses fingers) hoping to be freed from the bondage of home... *sigh*

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhrrrrrggg!!! I can't wait that long!!

I'm parched! My lips no longer feel those sweet kisses! My body cannot feel the warmth of his embrace!!! I cannot feel everything! The happiness... the pain...

uh! I dunno... I can't even remember being injected with anesthesia... there could never be any possibility of overdose or whatever...

All I know is that at the end of the day, I'm hoping that my own two feet would lead me anywhere except... home..

at least I have these pair of feet... I'm just waiting for that time that they could feel the warmth of the sand.. and the sound of the waves would lull me to.. deep slumber...

Anyway, I guess it's at times that you feel really lost that you become driven to search for yourself... for the truth.. for happiness...

(crosses fingers)

aftershocked

I don't know what I'm doing right now... Here I am... trying to amuse myself by surfing the net.. after having been kinda electricuted while trying to knock at the iSysDev apartment...

I just don't get it! On one time you feel so happy and secured.. but on the other (unexpectedly), you feel really alone and lost and really homeless and like you have nobody in the world to turn to...

I don't know... I really just don't get it... (*sigh*)

Anyway, I'm really penniless right now.. But good thing a classmate lend me a few which really helped.. since I won't be writing here if not for her money..

Well... it just happens, I guess.. On a split of a second you become nobody.. As if you really don't exist.. or maybe with the blink of an eye, I've been shifted to another realm...

.. no comrades ..no video streaming ...unanswered text messages ...no lyrics download ..no anybody

...just me and the world.. a cold cold, very cold world...

Maybe.. just maybe, there is an on-going maintenance session in the system of the whole universe..

It's really been a long time since I've been in my blog.. and good thing that I'm keeping one.. At least I have somewhere to go when maintenance sessions occur without notice... Or when apartment windows become unfriendly..