On a Beautiful Sunday

It’s supposedly a beautiful Sunday afternoon. But here I am, spending the afternoon with you, however, feeling so distant.

You are so distant. Everything is becoming distant.

I am with you yet my instincts tell me the possibilities that you might be eyeing someone now or maybe soon.

It is just so painful yet you do not understand. You do not bother trying either.

Losing you is the last thing that I needed for now.

Yet, I do not want to end this without any fight. If, it’s still worth it.

We had our thing. But it seems that I am all alone now.

This cold cold space between us is driving me nuts.

I want you to save me but it seems like you only want to save yourself. We’re both selfish, but you always get what you wanted. Maybe this time you will. But I wouldn’t let you.

I wouldn’t want you to leave me like this without me hurting you.

I want you to save me now. But I know, you wouldn’t do that. I am useless to you now. I’m not the one with some job in a big company. One who can afford things. Not for now though.. I am no use to you but someone you can cling on to. But not anymore.. Since I am not well.. since I am hurt… Since you think I am the one clinging on to you this time.

I am grasping for redemption! I haven’t done anything wrong other than to give you what you wanted..

Please don’t play with me. I’m tired of games..

But… should I just let go? Or shall I just save it for later?

(untitled post)

I dread this day when having coffee turns into mere luxury… :’(

re: oi himala…

Today is father’s day. I am typing a blog entry using my laptop for the first time. Anyway, what I’m writing isn’t anything about my dads or father’s day either..

OK. So here I am with my new laptop.. Installing, uninstalling, and re-installing different software. Acquainting myself with my new gadget especially that I had Windows 7 in it.. And transferring and managing files..

I came upon this letter (an email to be exact) which I have been keeping in my flash disk for quite awhile now.

I was actually keeping it for future reasons. The contents? Hmmmnn.. It’s best to keep it to myself for now.. (^^)

Anyway, I have been keeping it and have read it twice from the time I found it publicly displayed in someone’s “My Documents”.

So, again, back to transferring and managing files…

I told myself not to read it. But I did.

I did not feel any sort of hurt, or sorry, or even angry. I felt skeptical instead.

The letter asks so many questions that I couldn’t figure out the answers as well.

I actually read it again thinking that I might understand the letter better now.

I know deep inside that my feelings are pure and sincere but I also can’t refrain myself from asking questions. Mostly “why’s”…

I also could not stop from wanting to search for the original messages. I just felt that there is/might be something for me to find out.

After all, my feelings would always remain true. Now that I am so sure about it. But still, I would never want to become that person who’ll ask those questions in the future and might not even get the answers.

This is really quite stupid. I know I shouldn’t be dealing with these things from the past now which basically did not involved me. But I feel this urge to understand.

Anyway, this has been the way I am. I want to understand things -- everything.

I’m sorry if I’ve been sneaky. This isn’t a secret since you know that I copied the letter. I hope you’ll make me understand if you’d get a chance to read this.

RE: oi himala…
himala.. wala ko nasuko.. (=