Driven for the Search

I think the reason why I haven't really been posting here since the last time's because I'm still in this sort of "soul searching" thingy.. err.. I really haven't been to that.. umm.. But at least I've been thinking about it.. or maybe I'm really doing it.. uh! Whatever!!

Anyway... I really just wanted to find myself..

There are lots of questions that I would like to ask.. but somehow.. nobody's here to answer them... too bad..

At these times, especially when I'm alone in my bedroom.. or taking the jeepney ride home or wherever... I always find myself stuck inside me... and that it's becoming really noisy inside... and uh, at least I still find my way back to "reality"..

Right now, there are lots and lots of school requirements that I have to finish, accomplish my INCs, and finish my undergraduate thesis...

But the thought of the future always fill my mind.. thoughts of what may happen after graduation.. who I'll be with... where I'll be.. workin'..

But what really excites me about graduating in college is the thought of being able to go on the "soul-searching" thingy that I've been saying.. and (crosses fingers) hoping to be freed from the bondage of home... *sigh*

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhrrrrrggg!!! I can't wait that long!!

I'm parched! My lips no longer feel those sweet kisses! My body cannot feel the warmth of his embrace!!! I cannot feel everything! The happiness... the pain...

uh! I dunno... I can't even remember being injected with anesthesia... there could never be any possibility of overdose or whatever...

All I know is that at the end of the day, I'm hoping that my own two feet would lead me anywhere except... home..

at least I have these pair of feet... I'm just waiting for that time that they could feel the warmth of the sand.. and the sound of the waves would lull me to.. deep slumber...

Anyway, I guess it's at times that you feel really lost that you become driven to search for yourself... for the truth.. for happiness...

(crosses fingers)

aftershocked

I don't know what I'm doing right now... Here I am... trying to amuse myself by surfing the net.. after having been kinda electricuted while trying to knock at the iSysDev apartment...

I just don't get it! On one time you feel so happy and secured.. but on the other (unexpectedly), you feel really alone and lost and really homeless and like you have nobody in the world to turn to...

I don't know... I really just don't get it... (*sigh*)

Anyway, I'm really penniless right now.. But good thing a classmate lend me a few which really helped.. since I won't be writing here if not for her money..

Well... it just happens, I guess.. On a split of a second you become nobody.. As if you really don't exist.. or maybe with the blink of an eye, I've been shifted to another realm...

.. no comrades ..no video streaming ...unanswered text messages ...no lyrics download ..no anybody

...just me and the world.. a cold cold, very cold world...

Maybe.. just maybe, there is an on-going maintenance session in the system of the whole universe..

It's really been a long time since I've been in my blog.. and good thing that I'm keeping one.. At least I have somewhere to go when maintenance sessions occur without notice... Or when apartment windows become unfriendly..

;(

Sorry I'm too tired to write the details right now... I'm exhausted with all the school requirments which until now I'm still not done with.. I'm really lonely (like.. listen to this song, "Whiskey Lullabye" by Brad Paisely and Alison Krauss).. There are a lot of things in my head.. I feel really torned... uhuhuhu... I'm geting a lot more suicidal... :C OooooooooooH!

I'm sorry guys... I'll tell you all my mishaps on my next post...


(currently listening to "Cowboy Take Me Away" by Dixie Chicks...)

Blank

I don't know what title to give for this entry..

Anyway, I'm surfing the net to hopefully finish one of my course requirements.. I don't know.. I wasn't really anxious on going online right now.. And now here I am.. Blabbing something just to have something to do.. or maybe to pump me up..

The internet connection's kinda' slow.. And.. basta! Seconds ago, my mind just went blank... like, here I am.. facing the computer.. and I feel like I don't know what I'm doing in here..

Yeah... I guess.. it's better that I'll just write so that I won't end up facing the monitor just wide-eyed... haha...

There are still lots of things that I have to get done with... Maybe.. I'll take a minute to "refresh" my brain or my system... whatever.. 'coz medyo nag-hang ako brain.. haha!

Maybe this is the after effect of doing nothing the whole day... anyway, my classmates promised to help me in the analysis for my baby thesis..

*sigh*

I'm exhausted... and.. errr... I can't find my beau...

I guess I'd better get started before I'll end up doing nothing...

Overnight Nothingness

Well.. the title says it all... Last saturday I had an overnight "session" (chuva) in a net cafe.. haha.. for the second time.. but unlike the last time I spent my evening in a cafe, it was more cozy in the in the second one... like, I was able to sit cross-legged on the chair... hahaha... and, I didn't freeze to death? (exagge!)

Well... umm... it was better last saturday 'coz I was able to download a lot of stuff... hehehe... errr.. mp3.. haha...

Anyway, before I started surfing the net... umm... I don't know what hit me.. but, for about I dunno.. I was playing with the cam... hahaha! (ignoramus!)..

Well... I guess that's what I did the whole evening.. downloaded a lot of mp3's and of course (I just can't stand it.. haha..), I edited my blog... c=

And before I went to the cafe where I'll be spending my evening... I kinda' played DotA again with "the guys"... hehehe... and guess what?! I had TRIPLE KILL!!! mwahahahaha! :evil:

The nocturnal.. haha...


... And ummm... after being awake the whole evening... I spent the next day sleeping.. I finally woke up at five in the afternoon because I had those "whirling spells" again... It still occurs everyday for about minutes... =C I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't just lay in my bed all the time... it's finals week and I just can't give up everthing just like that... hehehe..

Oh! I had taho in the morning... hehehe..