deconstruction

please excuse all the clutter...

i'm still on the process of giving my blog a total make-over. too bad i messed it up..
=(
i tried using the updated templates but i keep on seeing this ---> -- the wrench icon.. it's everywhere in the blog when you use the updated templates... it just annoys me.. hehehe...

i'm still fixing this clutter though...

it would take me days to change this... anyway, just keep on hopping by!

and thanks so much for visiting!

cheers!

whiten up

we were asked to go on coaching status again due to low call volume..

i kinda got a little information overload after reading tutorials online so i thought of viewing my blog again and again... read old posts.. and decided to hop from one blog to another...

i just realized though... that i have been so selfish and got so consumed of my "issues" (whatever. i know i'm still suffering) that i was not able to recognize the good things that have been happening to me.. i cannot say just for lately but i think a bit then..

i have analyzed that after reading posts from other blogs. on how they marvel on what life has given them, through ups and lows.. but more on the good times..

earlier, i have been browsing my blog. just reminiscing my not so distant past... and there was this dim inkling inside my head saying: "i need to grow up. i need to grow up! i have to grow up!"

i guess the root of my very discontented state is my failure to see how i am changing from day to day with all the troubles and lucks i have been experiencing, especially after i finally left the comfort of my home and settled on my own in the big city, to which i should be so joyful about.

just this week, a thought of wanting to heal myself popped-out of my delirious mind..

i do mean it. i want to get healed. i know it would still take time, but i am willing to wait.

i knew that from the very start, i have been refusing to accept the pain.. i did not give myself enough time to sulk, whine, scream (if i need to), about the pain the was caused..

time is ticking. and there's no more time for me to be like this. i don't want to bluff anymore. i need to be real. i need to start.. i badly needed to..

so, this thought of changing the appearance of my blog sprang. i need to lighten-up. i want to change.

i want to become better..

hopefully i'll become soon.. *winks*


p.s reminds me of what my mom told me. she said she saw her belly glowed yellow aura while still pregnant with me..

mac arthur

congratulate me!

finally i was able to read this book.. (round of applause please)

ang libro sa mga adik.. saklap na panghitabo..

*sigh*

Makes me think I'b be like Voltron and get my head cut-off.. aw..

reminds me of my lesson in Sociology of Deviant Behavior.. the victims and victimizers...

anyway, i don't know what i'm blabbing about in here.. all i know is that in some ways i am like them.. putting myself inside a mess that can't be undone.. worse.. i am aware of what i am doing.. though thinking that i am a victim of the worse circumstances that came to my life... *sigh*

or shall i say, "the circumstance" that became "me"

of pain and a child poet

i found this poem from the internet during avail time (meaning idle time, or there are no calls) in the office... i don't know how you would see this poem.. *smiles*

Ruhe

Pain isn’t meant to be held in your arms;
Not meant to turn your palms red with cuts;
Not meant to puncture your heart.
And yet you let pain live within you. . .

I cannot forever be your medicine -I am the morphine.
Not the cure.

Let your wounds heal. Let the hurt escape.

You must rest.

Bearing your life in a plastic bag that has a tear -
It could leak any second.
And yet, we can find no thread to mend it.
I will not let you spill onto the pavement.
But sometimes I feel my fingers slipping.
And wonder if I’ve grown too tired to care.

Replace your broken boards. Let the hurt escape.

You must rest.

Every ticking second is precious;
Every moment and memory is alive.
Your life, the one I know you cannot love or hate, is fading
And brightening, surging and flickering.
But what will I do when the blackout comes?

Recharge yourself. Let the hurt escape.

You must rest.


By Alexander, 10th grade
submitted to the Edgar Allan Poe exercise at Totally Optional Prompts