ferris wheel

Round and round we go
in a merry-go-round
up and down
down and up
in this ferris wheel

then it stops
we get stuck

panic strikes
we then screamed
we then cried

we asked for help
then shut ourselves
in solitude

the engine then starts

so we go
round and round again
like in a merry-go-round
up and down
down and up
in this ferris wheel
hope it never stops

piece-up

Someone told me once that, "there's always a moment"...

yeah.. in every second of our lives, there is. A moment. A moment for everything.

A moment to love and say "i love you".

A moment to breathe.

A moment to think.

And all other moments to decide in every circumstances what to feel, say, and do, that would make you the "YOU".

My boyfriend always tells me that i don't know what i want, and is big reason why i'm heading nowhere. I call myself a dreamer, and literally i am. I always get lost in my dreams that they always end up just there in my thoughts. At most times, I need to get hit really really hard to get back to reality.. I don't know I'm getting to any point here but i am trying to.

I just noticed it though, in how i talk and how i write. I some kinda go in circles.. *sigh*

But anyway, I'm just glad that I took this moment out to brighten up this humble blog of mine with some little thoughts. Hoping this would serve as a little step of improvement of the changes i will do with my life.

Thanks to "my dad", I took the 15-minute walk from my flat to this cafe.

I just thought, i might help myself if i piece myself up even just by starting with this little post and reverting back to my old blog template..

This "moment" is quite a costly one. Hehe. If you could keep a secret for me, i did not go to work today.. Guess what? I'm desperate! hehe... I need to BREATHE..

CHEERS to all who live LIFE! (^^)/

Carry My Heart

about a week ago...


It's good to know that I'm still alive. Living... yeah... through all the shitty days that "just" comes up.. people who make my days shitty.. and those shitty things that i don't want to face or think about either... =D

Anyway, 2 weeks ago I moved to a new house somewhere in the suburbs of the city (i believe it is in the suburbia). (= I'm was hoping to make a home out of it's creepiness/eeriness.. However, the place really is cozy (not as what i expected it to be though) and makes me feel like in my old room in our house back in my hometown. The kind of place where my fingers would crave for pencils, pens and other art materials; where it's nice to read a book; where you can just listen to good music or watch t.v all day but the time still slip very very slowly; and the place where I long to be at after work...

So there, I've been watching movies.. A lot of movies, from my collection and a few new ones...

So I've watched this movie starred by Cameron Diaz and Toni Collete titled "In Her Shoes".. The movie was nice. But really I got captivated by this poem by E. E. Cummings which was read by Maggie (Diaz) in her sister Rosie's (Collete) wedding in the movie.

Really... I just want to share the poem.


However, it's really nice if someone can tell something like this to you with utmost sincerity, even if the world makes a monster out of you... Don't you think? I think I'd like that. =D

...here it is:


I Carry Your Heart
e.e cummings


i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it 
(anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)


i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you


here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart


i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

P.S. I watched the a Jap anime titled "Nodame Cantabile". It's about music stuff. I just don't want to explain it further though because this post is not about that. hehe.. You can just watch it yourself. Look it up at the nearest illegal dvd stores in your place.. hehe.. I'm sure you'll find it there. There's even a korean (i think it's korean) series of that.

Death in the family

Tonight I'm missing work cause I'll be going home.

There's death in the family so I really have to.

Actually I'm broke. I only have my one-way ticket with me. Right now, I'm still looking for money for my trip.

I'll be leaving at 8 this evening. I'll be riding a boat to Cagayan de Oro. Not to mention, this would be my first trip (with the CDO route) alone. And probably, my first ever bus trip alone. Haha! I mostly travel with my family and we usually ride our own car.. so there..

Anyway, I'm quite scared. I don't know what awaits me back home. I'll probably cry..

It's quite a lot of first times for this trip.

The first time I filed for an emergency leave..

The first time for me to experience having a wake in my own home..

And the first time for me to home with this reason: death of a family member.. (well, I hope there is no second or third time fot this..)

...my phone's dead.. I haven't packed yet.. And someone's waiting for my sms response..

So gotta go..

*deep breath*

mint brownies

yummy!!!

I'll bake these by the time I have my own oven..

just thoughts

I don't know which word appropriate to describe it..

lost?
torn?
blank?
dead?

I am like a tree..
a dead tree..
no flowers nor fruit..
no leaves..
just twigs and branches..

I'm still standing still though..
Through strong winds and rain..
Through dust and heat..
And look gloomier under the moonlit sky...

I am not scared.. I guess..
I have nothing to be scared of..
All I have are worries.. maybe...
And doubts..

I don't know if I am unsure..
I don't know what I want..
I don't know if I'll still bleed..

I am like a robot..

I don't why..
I don't know what..
I don't know..


I just don't know..


...


...but anyhow, I felt better writing this...