deconstruction

please excuse all the clutter...

i'm still on the process of giving my blog a total make-over. too bad i messed it up..
=(
i tried using the updated templates but i keep on seeing this ---> -- the wrench icon.. it's everywhere in the blog when you use the updated templates... it just annoys me.. hehehe...

i'm still fixing this clutter though...

it would take me days to change this... anyway, just keep on hopping by!

and thanks so much for visiting!

cheers!

whiten up

we were asked to go on coaching status again due to low call volume..

i kinda got a little information overload after reading tutorials online so i thought of viewing my blog again and again... read old posts.. and decided to hop from one blog to another...

i just realized though... that i have been so selfish and got so consumed of my "issues" (whatever. i know i'm still suffering) that i was not able to recognize the good things that have been happening to me.. i cannot say just for lately but i think a bit then..

i have analyzed that after reading posts from other blogs. on how they marvel on what life has given them, through ups and lows.. but more on the good times..

earlier, i have been browsing my blog. just reminiscing my not so distant past... and there was this dim inkling inside my head saying: "i need to grow up. i need to grow up! i have to grow up!"

i guess the root of my very discontented state is my failure to see how i am changing from day to day with all the troubles and lucks i have been experiencing, especially after i finally left the comfort of my home and settled on my own in the big city, to which i should be so joyful about.

just this week, a thought of wanting to heal myself popped-out of my delirious mind..

i do mean it. i want to get healed. i know it would still take time, but i am willing to wait.

i knew that from the very start, i have been refusing to accept the pain.. i did not give myself enough time to sulk, whine, scream (if i need to), about the pain the was caused..

time is ticking. and there's no more time for me to be like this. i don't want to bluff anymore. i need to be real. i need to start.. i badly needed to..

so, this thought of changing the appearance of my blog sprang. i need to lighten-up. i want to change.

i want to become better..

hopefully i'll become soon.. *winks*


p.s reminds me of what my mom told me. she said she saw her belly glowed yellow aura while still pregnant with me..

mac arthur

congratulate me!

finally i was able to read this book.. (round of applause please)

ang libro sa mga adik.. saklap na panghitabo..

*sigh*

Makes me think I'b be like Voltron and get my head cut-off.. aw..

reminds me of my lesson in Sociology of Deviant Behavior.. the victims and victimizers...

anyway, i don't know what i'm blabbing about in here.. all i know is that in some ways i am like them.. putting myself inside a mess that can't be undone.. worse.. i am aware of what i am doing.. though thinking that i am a victim of the worse circumstances that came to my life... *sigh*

or shall i say, "the circumstance" that became "me"

of pain and a child poet

i found this poem from the internet during avail time (meaning idle time, or there are no calls) in the office... i don't know how you would see this poem.. *smiles*

Ruhe

Pain isn’t meant to be held in your arms;
Not meant to turn your palms red with cuts;
Not meant to puncture your heart.
And yet you let pain live within you. . .

I cannot forever be your medicine -I am the morphine.
Not the cure.

Let your wounds heal. Let the hurt escape.

You must rest.

Bearing your life in a plastic bag that has a tear -
It could leak any second.
And yet, we can find no thread to mend it.
I will not let you spill onto the pavement.
But sometimes I feel my fingers slipping.
And wonder if I’ve grown too tired to care.

Replace your broken boards. Let the hurt escape.

You must rest.

Every ticking second is precious;
Every moment and memory is alive.
Your life, the one I know you cannot love or hate, is fading
And brightening, surging and flickering.
But what will I do when the blackout comes?

Recharge yourself. Let the hurt escape.

You must rest.


By Alexander, 10th grade
submitted to the Edgar Allan Poe exercise at Totally Optional Prompts

thought-em pole

August 23, 2008

Saturday, 10:35 PM

Thanks to the long avail time, I am able to hop from one blog to another. And was able to write quite a lot of my thoughts...

----

It's another day in the office. *sigh*

It's freezing cold and I'm wearing a sweater with plunging neckline which shows off the mole in my chest. And ironically I brought with me my spill-proof mug, in it is water and ice tubes..

----

Blogs I've hopped to and fro:

*Bluemoon shluemoon

*Pointing Out Pointlessness

*Freshness Factor Five Thousand

*I Live, I Love, I am Me

--blogs listed in the bluemoon's list of reklamador, who are:

* belle
* andoy
* axon
* axon_3d
* jedi
* elan
* h3adrush
* tambok
* daos
* mara
* earnest

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Daily astrology: August 23, 2008

:: in iGoogle ::

Yours is a battle between extremes today. On one hand you want some action; you have so much going on that your excitement can turn to high anxiety. On the other hand, a meager attempt at having some peace and quiet could, surprisingly, work so well that you feel rather isolated in your reclusion. For now, don't worry about making a choice; just see where the tides carry you.


:: in Yahoo ::

If you're just getting back into a relationship that has been on hold or on the backburner, today you might start to wonder if going back was the right decision. Things have changed a lot more than you realized, and it might feel like you two might not make it. But you should give this thing some more time. It's way too soon to make such a drastic decision. Have a talk with the other person involved and see what they think. You're probably on the same page.

Daily Flirt:
A dear friend has a few words of advice for you -- and it's time to really listen! You've got to take it pretty seriously, even if you don't really believe it, because things need to change soon.

Daily Couples:
It's tempting to brush those nagging issues aside, but you'll have to face them eventually. Why not start now? Once you start the conversation with your honey, you'll find it's not so bad.

Tomorrow's Astrology forecast: for August 24

Interacting with strangers will be lots of fun today -- like it or not, you are going to be giving off a ton of totally flirtatious energy, which will be causing people to smile at you. Watch out for eye contact that lingers just a bit longer than it needs to! If you are on the market, this could be a fabulous day for you -- get some digits and add some bulk to your little black book. But if you're taken, you still enjoy the harmless-but-fun energy!

Daily Flirt:
Your intellect is incredibly alive today -- and it's far more attractive than you'd think! People are looking to you for answers, ideas and good times, and you don't disappoint at all.

Daily Couples:
Something's gotten into you today -- you can't stop flirting with your honey! Your actions have a strong effect on them, and they love every minute of it. Tonight is bound to be one you won't soon forget.

---

"where's my rubix cube?"
"tee el!"