Words to the Wise
Tips from a speech never given
By Mary Schmich from Chicago Tribune
The following newspaper column was published in the Chicago Tribune in June of last year, then made the rounds on the Internet.Along the way this mock commencement speech was attributed to novelistKurt Vonnegut. "I would have been proud had the words been mine," an amused Vonnegut said. For recent graduates -- or those who just need areminder about what's important in life -- here are Schimch's words of wisdom:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN:
Wear sunscreen. If I could offer only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and the beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall how fabulous you really looked at the time. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve algebra equation by chewing gum. Real troubles are apt to blindside you at 4 p.m. on an idle Tuesday. Do one thing daily that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Remember compliments, forget insults. Keep old love letters. Throw away old blank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. Some of the most interesting 40-year olds I know still don't knowwhat they want to do with theirs. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children,maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself or berate yourself too much. Your choices are half chance, like everybody else's. Dance. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feek ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone. Be nice to your siblings. They're the best link to your pastand the people who knew you when you were young. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. The older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. Travel. Accept these certain truths. Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And then you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe, you have a trustfund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you'll never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it as a way of fishing the past from the trash, wiping it off and recycling it for more than its worth. But trust me on the sunscreen.
Reader's Digest. September issue. 1998. "Saving the White Tiger"
Tips from a speech never given
By Mary Schmich from Chicago Tribune
The following newspaper column was published in the Chicago Tribune in June of last year, then made the rounds on the Internet.Along the way this mock commencement speech was attributed to novelistKurt Vonnegut. "I would have been proud had the words been mine," an amused Vonnegut said. For recent graduates -- or those who just need areminder about what's important in life -- here are Schimch's words of wisdom:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN:
Wear sunscreen. If I could offer only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and the beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall how fabulous you really looked at the time. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve algebra equation by chewing gum. Real troubles are apt to blindside you at 4 p.m. on an idle Tuesday. Do one thing daily that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Remember compliments, forget insults. Keep old love letters. Throw away old blank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. Some of the most interesting 40-year olds I know still don't knowwhat they want to do with theirs. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children,maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself or berate yourself too much. Your choices are half chance, like everybody else's. Dance. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feek ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone. Be nice to your siblings. They're the best link to your pastand the people who knew you when you were young. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. The older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. Travel. Accept these certain truths. Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And then you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe, you have a trustfund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you'll never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it as a way of fishing the past from the trash, wiping it off and recycling it for more than its worth. But trust me on the sunscreen.
Reader's Digest. September issue. 1998. "Saving the White Tiger"
