Driven for the Search

I think the reason why I haven't really been posting here since the last time's because I'm still in this sort of "soul searching" thingy.. err.. I really haven't been to that.. umm.. But at least I've been thinking about it.. or maybe I'm really doing it.. uh! Whatever!!

Anyway... I really just wanted to find myself..

There are lots of questions that I would like to ask.. but somehow.. nobody's here to answer them... too bad..

At these times, especially when I'm alone in my bedroom.. or taking the jeepney ride home or wherever... I always find myself stuck inside me... and that it's becoming really noisy inside... and uh, at least I still find my way back to "reality"..

Right now, there are lots and lots of school requirements that I have to finish, accomplish my INCs, and finish my undergraduate thesis...

But the thought of the future always fill my mind.. thoughts of what may happen after graduation.. who I'll be with... where I'll be.. workin'..

But what really excites me about graduating in college is the thought of being able to go on the "soul-searching" thingy that I've been saying.. and (crosses fingers) hoping to be freed from the bondage of home... *sigh*

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhrrrrrggg!!! I can't wait that long!!

I'm parched! My lips no longer feel those sweet kisses! My body cannot feel the warmth of his embrace!!! I cannot feel everything! The happiness... the pain...

uh! I dunno... I can't even remember being injected with anesthesia... there could never be any possibility of overdose or whatever...

All I know is that at the end of the day, I'm hoping that my own two feet would lead me anywhere except... home..

at least I have these pair of feet... I'm just waiting for that time that they could feel the warmth of the sand.. and the sound of the waves would lull me to.. deep slumber...

Anyway, I guess it's at times that you feel really lost that you become driven to search for yourself... for the truth.. for happiness...

(crosses fingers)

aftershocked

I don't know what I'm doing right now... Here I am... trying to amuse myself by surfing the net.. after having been kinda electricuted while trying to knock at the iSysDev apartment...

I just don't get it! On one time you feel so happy and secured.. but on the other (unexpectedly), you feel really alone and lost and really homeless and like you have nobody in the world to turn to...

I don't know... I really just don't get it... (*sigh*)

Anyway, I'm really penniless right now.. But good thing a classmate lend me a few which really helped.. since I won't be writing here if not for her money..

Well... it just happens, I guess.. On a split of a second you become nobody.. As if you really don't exist.. or maybe with the blink of an eye, I've been shifted to another realm...

.. no comrades ..no video streaming ...unanswered text messages ...no lyrics download ..no anybody

...just me and the world.. a cold cold, very cold world...

Maybe.. just maybe, there is an on-going maintenance session in the system of the whole universe..

It's really been a long time since I've been in my blog.. and good thing that I'm keeping one.. At least I have somewhere to go when maintenance sessions occur without notice... Or when apartment windows become unfriendly..

;(

Sorry I'm too tired to write the details right now... I'm exhausted with all the school requirments which until now I'm still not done with.. I'm really lonely (like.. listen to this song, "Whiskey Lullabye" by Brad Paisely and Alison Krauss).. There are a lot of things in my head.. I feel really torned... uhuhuhu... I'm geting a lot more suicidal... :C OooooooooooH!

I'm sorry guys... I'll tell you all my mishaps on my next post...


(currently listening to "Cowboy Take Me Away" by Dixie Chicks...)

Blank

I don't know what title to give for this entry..

Anyway, I'm surfing the net to hopefully finish one of my course requirements.. I don't know.. I wasn't really anxious on going online right now.. And now here I am.. Blabbing something just to have something to do.. or maybe to pump me up..

The internet connection's kinda' slow.. And.. basta! Seconds ago, my mind just went blank... like, here I am.. facing the computer.. and I feel like I don't know what I'm doing in here..

Yeah... I guess.. it's better that I'll just write so that I won't end up facing the monitor just wide-eyed... haha...

There are still lots of things that I have to get done with... Maybe.. I'll take a minute to "refresh" my brain or my system... whatever.. 'coz medyo nag-hang ako brain.. haha!

Maybe this is the after effect of doing nothing the whole day... anyway, my classmates promised to help me in the analysis for my baby thesis..

*sigh*

I'm exhausted... and.. errr... I can't find my beau...

I guess I'd better get started before I'll end up doing nothing...

Overnight Nothingness

Well.. the title says it all... Last saturday I had an overnight "session" (chuva) in a net cafe.. haha.. for the second time.. but unlike the last time I spent my evening in a cafe, it was more cozy in the in the second one... like, I was able to sit cross-legged on the chair... hahaha... and, I didn't freeze to death? (exagge!)

Well... umm... it was better last saturday 'coz I was able to download a lot of stuff... hehehe... errr.. mp3.. haha...

Anyway, before I started surfing the net... umm... I don't know what hit me.. but, for about I dunno.. I was playing with the cam... hahaha! (ignoramus!)..

Well... I guess that's what I did the whole evening.. downloaded a lot of mp3's and of course (I just can't stand it.. haha..), I edited my blog... c=

And before I went to the cafe where I'll be spending my evening... I kinda' played DotA again with "the guys"... hehehe... and guess what?! I had TRIPLE KILL!!! mwahahahaha! :evil:

The nocturnal.. haha...


... And ummm... after being awake the whole evening... I spent the next day sleeping.. I finally woke up at five in the afternoon because I had those "whirling spells" again... It still occurs everyday for about minutes... =C I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't just lay in my bed all the time... it's finals week and I just can't give up everthing just like that... hehehe..

Oh! I had taho in the morning... hehehe..

Two Parts

This is a two-part story which I finished inspite my aching stomach. I dunno if both have relevance with each other.. But these were what happened to me yesterday.. Here it goes:


Part I: The Result!!!

The doctor said it's POSITIVE... I'm gonna be a mom.. KIDDIN' (hehehehe)

okay.. I recieved the result last Thursday evening.. I was looking over it as if deciphering an ancient scripture.. I got confused actually because it doesn't tell anything about an abnormality in my hemoglobin count or something.. My mom also got confused so we decided to let my aunt (who is a nurse) see the result... and decipher the code? hehe..

So last night, when I arrived home I asked my mom about the result.. And alas! I was right.. My aunt said that the result says that everything's normal... (wierd...) However, my mom told me that I'm getting my eyes checked soon.. Because probably my eyes are the ones having defects..

waaaaaaaaah!!! that's bad news!!! well... on one hand it is since I won't be able to read the new book my beau gave me.. and my mom would probably be monitoring how much time I'd be spending in front of the computer.. However, it would also be a good news because "probably" I won't be prohibited to sing and stay out late at night because I'm anemic? haha! (as if I have a choice..)

I'm already feeling a lot better, however, the "the whirling spells" still occur (ssshhh... don't tell my mom...).. It doesn't stay long though.. It only happens for about seconds (an improvement, I guess..).. Anyway, it last occured early this dawn when I woke up.. it happened twice.. (heeeheee!)

Well... I still don't know what's wrong with me... probably it's nothing really serious, though I'm expecting the reverse..(haha! how pathetic..).. so there's nothing to worry about..

Anyway...One thing I learned from this experience... "BAWAL MAGKA-SAKIT".. Especially if you're a student of MSU-IIT and it's gonna be the finals week..

haha.. Anyway, wish me luck!!


Part II: The Hunting

After being sick, I attended class last Thursday afternoon.. Good timing 'coz everyone's (including us) getting their application for defense for the proposals signed by the professors.. (the defense is gonna be this Monday.. and our group is first to defend..)

Well.. the story goes like this...

After we've let our professors sign our application.. We were supposed to give them a copy of our thesis proposal, however, our group wasn't able to reproduce one so we promised them to give them their copies the next day (Friday, yesterday) early in the morning..

But due to some classes and misunderstandings.. we weren't able to do so...

When I was done printing and reprinting and reproducing copies for our professors... Too bad.. 'coz our professors have already left the office.. so.. we asked help to those who'll be meeting the said professors the next day...

But, we were left with no choice but to really look for them and hand them their copies... So, from our current destination (Sociology Dept.) we went out to Jollibee (just outside the campus) to meet one of our classmate who'll tell us how to reach one of the professor's house...

After repeating the directions again and again... we went to our next destination.. Our chairperson's house.. It was just a short walk though... since she lived somewhere outside the campus... good thing that she was playing with her dogs when we reached her home.. in good mood I guess..

Next stop was Sir Aguado's place... from the highway, we took a 15-minute ride... then walked a bit.. then got barked at by Sir Aguado's dogs... He was mumbling something about not taking it if it'll be given today, while reaching for his copy.. Well... we didn't mind him that much since we're already happy to have given our panel members their copies...

So again we took a ride... Me and Doreen went back to school still hoping to see our thesis adviser and give her her copy...while Joy went somewhere... Unfortunately, we weren't able to find our adviser there so we decided to go home and and just look for her the next day... But a good thing happened! (at least) Our adviser texted us and told us that she's attending a meeting and that she will be in school today at 10:00 a.m... It was a relief, I guess...

But we're still not saved with what is gonna happen this Monday...

Wish us luck!!!

Dizzy

Okay... obviously, that is me.. but if you'll look really closely.. you'll notice something... see that? That white thing on my arm...

Oh well.. it's early morning and I'm already in a cafe.. I'm from the hospital, actually... got myself some CBC stuff.. I was advised by my mom to get my blood checked... for two days I've been ill... it's not the normal illness that most people feel (uh... i guess so...).. But it's not most of the time that people feel really dizzy.. like, you're already lying flat on your bed and still everything is turning...

I felt this way wednesday last week, I just got myself some sleep then sped to school since it was the last consultation before the deadline of our first draft for our thesis proposal... I never expected it would happen again...

Last Tuesday, a few minutes after everyone has left me home... I felt that dizzy feeling again.. At first, I just laid in bed hoping for the feeling to go away.. But it didn't... So, everytime I the "turning around" thing slows down, I rushed on doing something to help me.. I got outside to reload my phone.. Then, drank a glass of lukewarm water with sugar (hoping it would keep me alive.. just something I learned from my many fainting experiences..)..

I really got alarmed since I puked 3 times and still everything was still whirling round and round... and not to mention, I was alone... So, I sought help... hoping my "prince charming" would come to my rescue... Well... I texted him, but unfortunately his phone was turned off.. so I texted everyone (his classmates, my classmates) for help..

I was really scared.. I was already on tears and was gasping for breath while I was asking for help... I got soaked with tears and sweat... I really thought that it was the end... haha...

But anyway, my prince charming arrived when the dizzy feeling have already subsided... But I was still glad to have someone there beside me.. We just fell asleep... and when we woke up, we heard some familiar voices outside.. asking my neighbors about me.. We got really surprised that his classmates came..

They got worried with my text messages so they came, thinking my beau wasn't able to come... (i feel really sorry if they got worried, but I was so thankful they came..)

And, yesterday.. the same thing happened... However, I rushed myself to "the apartment" when the dizzy feeling started again.. I stayed there the whole afternoon...

Okay... back to the pictures... just as I've said, I got blood checked... It's my first time really... they got, I think, 5 cc of blood... I'm still waiting for the result.. I think I'll be able to get it this noon..

By the way, when I saw the injection and felt in my flesh... haha! I had second thoughts of dying!!! Well, stupid me..


Oh! I'm really sorry for having all the guys in "the apartment" worried... And thank you for your concern... C=

This is what I got after a lot of sleepless nights.. It still hurts.. a bit..

Clumsy

Okay.. I was supposed to be finished editing this blog. I was alresdy happy and contented with the changes I made...

Then I thought of taking a peep with the other blog templates (just peep..) but I accidentally clicked the "Use this template button".. I never thought that the changes were already saved until I republished my whole blog after deleting some links..

And so... All of my efforts became really wasted..Oooooh! Just because of my clumsiness..

I don't have any time left to edit this blog back to how it's supposed to look since I've got only 45 minutes left to stay in this cafe...

I don't know when I'd be able to totally refurnish this blog.. Anyway, the posts were not affected so you can still view and read them and give comments on them if you'd like..

well.. my tummy's starting to beg for food... and my hands can't wait to get out of this really coooold place (brrr!)..

So keep hopping by!!

Good morning!

...

I forgot to tell.. I just finished editing my blog... If you'd notice, I've changed the font size of my posts.. I just thought that tiny font size would be keeping readers away from this blog 'coz it's not eye-friendly...

And... umm... watch out for my future posts! I've got lots of things to tell.. Especially about my fiesta experience.. So please do hop by for a while sometime!

God bless.. and sleep tight?

c=

Brrr..

I'm in a net cafe... Doing school stuff with my friend peter...

It's my first time actually, to surf the net overnight in a cafe...

Right now, my hands are getting stiff... and I'm starting to have the difficulty in typing... My mind's starting to get frozen with the coldness of this place... My mind's not working really properly so please excuse all the wrong grammars and mispelled words... The coolness of this place is keeping my hands off the keyboard... =C

I don't know if I'll last till morning.. But I guess I will... But still something's distracting me more than this freezing feeling... And it's making me wish that the airconditioner wouldn't just freeze my body but also my heart, just for tonight... Making it stop... Making it stop thinking about my special someone...

He's not too far away though. He's just in the neighboring city... for job reasons... and I don't know if at this moment he's still dancing with his friends in the bar.. having fun...

I'm not objecting with what his doing or anything... But I just can't stop myself from missing him... (Great! The radio's playing Alison Krauss' "Baby, Now That I Found You") = c And.. haha! that's another reason why I' m keeping myself awake all night tonight... 'coz I know I'd feel more depressed if I stayed at home...

So... I beg the airconditioner not to hesitate in freezing my heart just for tonight... 'coz I'd be waiting for my beau to come back and melt away all this icy feeling...

Brrrr....

Cluttered

I noticed my blog's gettin' really messy.. And my posts are somewhat pathetic..(i hope not)..

So I decided I'd be cleanin' up this clutter.. probably after the final exams.. I guess, that would be in the 2nd or 3rd week of October..

And maybe I'll change my posting attitude... I dunno.. but loneliness or even anger is what drives me to write (though I'm not really good at).. I just noticed that I kinda' sound pathetic with my posts.. To which is not true.. (hmmmnn?)

I know, I'm having these hard times but it's better to remember all those good stuff that has been and is going to happen with my life... especially now that I already knew the truth behind my birth.. and me...

Well.. I may become the "loner" they call...

But I'll always be the innocent-looking little lady who is and will always be a fighter inside out...

hayyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Grounded

...and I thought I was grounded..

Supposed to be grounded yesterday for spending a lot of time and money on playing DotA (inspite of my unfinished thesis proposal which is due tomorrow and other school requirements..) But there I was... surfed the web and did some hobo stuff and.. played DotA again..

Actualy I grounded myself.. It was supposed to be kinda' like a self mutilation thing.. But whenever I get to "that" apartment, and see "those" guys, and hear "the word".. I know where I'll be..

I just can't resist the game.. and those guys... C=

Anyway, being grounded supposed to mean:
* no playing DotA
* no playing Hobowars
* no surfing the net
* no going to "the apartment"
* no meeting my beau? O.o

But anyway... still.. I defied myself... and there I was earlier... played DotA again with the guys because I went to the apartment.. hehe!

and enjoyed the pleasure of feeling my heart beat faster... hehehe!

so I'm supposed to be grounded huh... but I'm still here, surfing the net.. chatting with my beau and doing some hobo stuff... hehehe!

'til my next post!!

Watch This!!

This video was created by my lil' sis Jilly and her best buddy, Lianne...

Hope you enjoyed watching!!!

C=

today's horoscope

i'm really busy right now... just managed to read my horoscope... it's a bit significant, kaya post na lang nako... well... here it is:




The Bottom Line
It's all about creativity now -- go into the world and explore everything you see.


In Detail

It's all about creativity today -- so go out into the world and explore all the nooks and crannies you can find. Wherever you look, there will be hidden clues and fascinating ideas behind everything. Your curiosity is stronger than ever right now, so why not unleash it? You never know what you could uncover. If it's a good thing, you will have a whole new direction to discover. And if it is a bad thing, at least you will know better next time. Experience creates the best education -- period.


----by the way, Palakasan sa IIT karon!!! Night of Songs unya!! Wish us luck sa choral singing!

Passin' By

Hi guys!!

I'm quite busy with a lot of stuff right now (thesis proposal, baby thesis, biz, etc...)...

I wasn't able to update you with what happened during the Charter Week Celebration... Lots of stuff went on after that... We had the CASS Days.. Still... lots of stuff happened... grrr... horrible stuff... And lots and lots of things are happening in my life daily... I'm really sorry.. I just don't have time to write right now...

Anyways... We no longer play at Dzyr... Tonight will be our (me, Alex, Zaldy and Angelo) first night (as regular) at Uling Ug Ice... It's not really a fancy place like some other bars... But I like it there 'coz lots of people come and it's fun because people listen to you sing and they also sing along whenever we play their favorites...

So.. If you have time... care to drop by at Uling Ug Ice every Friday evening... It's the old Nitz Place... They also serve meals... the food is great!

I guess, I'll just end here!
'Til my next post!!!

God bless!!

New!

Wala lang!!!

Hehehe! Wala lang... There are just new stuff going on in my life! And this is really new for this blog since this is the first entry that talks about a positive outlook in life! I just feel really optimistic these days! And I'm willing to share it with you!!

SCHOOL:

I'm already part of the Executive Council of the college where I belong, eventhough I was not able to win in the KASAMA Elections that was held last semester.. The Vice Governor of the college appointed me as his secretary... hehehe! I kinda' had second thoughts at first, but still accepted the task anyway... With this, I'm able to meet new faces, new friends... And my job as part of the E.C is somewhat tiresome but I still enjoy it! Just like old times!!

BIZ:

I'm really happy 'coz lots of people are buying my products! And best of all... I've been given an opportunity to sell in the Bazaar for the upcoming MSU-IIT Charter Week! Well, I won't be alone.. I'm sharing the space with my mom... I know this would really help our businesses! We're having a bit of a problem with the money to invest, but I guess we'll be able to find a few bucks to help us! I'm really excited about the Bazaar! Really! But I hope that we would be able to earn a good profit out of the activity!!! (*crosses my fingers) Wish us luck guys!!!

MUSIC:

I guess I wasn't able to let you know that I'm already singing in a bar.. umm... Every Friday I sing at D'zyr for a few bucks which really helped my parents a bit..Because, the money I'm earning goes to my two-day allowance.. And I'm really about it because, to let you know, to sing in a bar was my ambition since highschool... And I'm very happy about it because I started singing before I turned 20 years old.. hehehe! And I was also able to sing in Tatay's Grill, a classy resto here in Iligan... And lastly, a new opportunity is coming because I was told that Iliganon Bar is in need of a band... So, we (me, zaldy and alal) are willing to apply... And luckily, Zaldy knew the owner.. So.. (*crosses fingers again) We're really hoping we'll be able to make it... So.. wish us luck again guys!!!

I guess that's all... ummm... with my LOVE LIFE... hehehehe! Nothing's really new, except that everythings going smooth between me and my beau... Even if we're already starting to "not seeing each other" again because of our busy schedules... We're still both happy... No fights and misunderstandings so far... hehehehe! (Dapat lang!) And so happy for him with the career opportunities he's having! Hehehe! Medyo teacher na siya karon! Heheheh! Anyway, he's in the other room having a class... And we still love each other sooo much!

Love you ngets!! *mwah*

My Week-Long Vacation

Trip to Bukidnon

Sorry for the late post..

Anyway, the pictures below were taken during our fieldtrip on Socio 128: Human Ecology at Malaybalay, Bukidnon last March 5, 2006.

It was really an exhausting trip, say some of us were told that the assembly time is 3:00 a.m... and that we were able to arrive back at Iligan at 9:00 in the evening...

I enjoy the trip though.. and I can really say that for me was really full of farting moments... haha!

It was the first fieldtrip that I joined where we rode a van, because usually it's a bus or the coaster..

I also played a part in the trip of course! Ummm... aherm! I was the official First Aid attendant... hehehe! And my first time to attend to an unconscious person since one of my classmates fainted at the moment we arrived at our first stop which was the Kaamulan Grounds at Malaybalay City, Bukidnon...

Well, below are some of the pictures that were taken during the trip:

Together with my classmates at the Kaamulan grounds

a solitary place

pabadlong sa monasteryo

Me with Norolyn, Vera, Jehan and Juhaina @ the "wishing bridge"

Booze

My hands trembled,
as I slowly took the glass...

Trembling...
Thinking...
Trembling...
Drinking...

Finally, I took a gulp...
Finally, I broke a promise..
Finally, I came back to somewhere I've long forgotten..

I took every gulp with thougths of you,
and wishing that you are still thinking of me...

I drank,
trying to forget this aching pain,
hoping that this liquor could fill the emptiness of my heart..

I drank until it sunk in,
making me feel care-free,
making me laugh so hard and never minding the onlookers passing me by..

I drank and laughed,
hoping the booze could fill me up so I'll end up in slumber..

I drank and I laughed..
I laughed and I drank..
Then I wept..

And I fell into a deep slumber..
Then I woke up..

And I am ALONE.

De-stress

I know it's a bit late for this post.. But I hope it can still help.. I got this from an issue of Health and Home way back my high school.. so, here it is:

STRESS REDUCERS

1. Surround yourself with supportive upbeat friends.

Studies show that people who have a wide social network are less prone to illness and stress than people who have fewer acquaintances.

2. Curb your sweet tooth.

Try not to consume too many foods high in sugar, such as pastries, sodas and candies, which upset the blood sugar balance and contribute to irritability and mood swings.

3. Head for the gym.

Exercise releases endorphins, mood-elevating chemicals in your brain; it also relaxes tight muscles and releases energy-ssapping tension.

4. Take a nap.

A short snooze that's no longer than 20 minutes can be refreshing without compromising the quality of your nighttime sleep.

5. Just say no.

If someone asks you a favor that you'd rather not do, decline and don't feel guilty about it. Phrase your rejection this way: "Unfortunately, I'm so busy right now, I wouldn't be able to do as good a job for you as I'd like."

6. Stretch.

If your stressed at work, sitting all day at a desk doesn't help. Loosen clenched muscles by stretching. Stand up, put your fists into your lower back and lean back from your hips, keeping your legs and back straight.

7. Let the sun shine in.

Since bright light envigorates the senses, opening the curtains upon waking will give you a mood boost to start the day.

8. Drink plenty of water.

Even the smallest degree of dehydration can leave you feeling fatigued or sluggish. Make sure to get the recommended eight glasses of water a day, and steer clear of salt, sugar and caffeine, which dry you out.

9. See things from a child's point of view.

Keep a reminder of your childhood--a stuffed animal, a comic book, or an old toy--nearby to help you put things into perspective when you're stressed out.

10. Get crafty.

A recent study found that sewing, compaired with other activities like painting and reading, was the most relaxing. It helped lower blood pressure rates and perspiration.

11. Enjoy a nice soak.

Your bath may be one place in your house where you're assumed of having some private time.

Queen of Deceit

The "Queen of deceit"... The fair entity who's staring right at me through the looking glass...

I don't know how she does it. But she really does deceive people around her. That's why I call her that.

I know she doesn't lie or even want to lie. She's even scared of lying! However, she deceives people. She even deceives me at times.

Maybe it's just the way God created her to be. (Okay... don't put God into this.)

She thinks it's funny to deceive people. How people get surprised when they get to know her age.. Others treat her like she's rich. But she's not. She just doesn't look that shabby, I guess. People think she's intimidating.. When in fact she's also timid.. They're afraid to get near her because they think she's mean. But actually, she really wanted to make lots of friends and is just scared to get near people because they might not like her and she'll just get hurt instead. Some people also treat her like she doesn't know anything at all. They underestimate her capabilities and refute her ideas because they're better than her and because she acts like a kid. And many say that she's problem-free and happy. But is she?

If only she could just leave things as they are... But I know she just can't do that anymore..

She's tired... She's tired living a pretentious life.. She's tired of people treating her like a kid. She's tired of being silent while watching others as they laugh with their friends. She's tired of smiling to show that she's happy, when all she wanted was for someone to hold her tight to put her cares away. If only someone would help keep her patient. Because she's tired pretending. Tired of waiting for someone to see her to who she really is. And hoping to treat her right.

She's just the ordinary type of girl that you know. But she could become that extra-ordinary friend if someone would just want her to. She's also not that good in everything (yeah... a mediocre, as they say). But she tries to do best. But I guess, it's always never enough.

Right! I said she thinks it's funny to deceive people. For people to see someone else rather than her. But that's the irony when all she wants is for people to see who she is..

If someone could only see through the girl I see in the looking glass... =C

Tips

Words to the Wise

Tips from a speech never given
By Mary Schmich from Chicago Tribune

The following newspaper column was published in the Chicago Tribune in June of last year, then made the rounds on the Internet.Along the way this mock commencement speech was attributed to novelistKurt Vonnegut. "I would have been proud had the words been mine," an amused Vonnegut said. For recent graduates -- or those who just need areminder about what's important in life -- here are Schimch's words of wisdom:

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN:

Wear sunscreen. If I could offer only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and the beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall how fabulous you really looked at the time. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve algebra equation by chewing gum. Real troubles are apt to blindside you at 4 p.m. on an idle Tuesday. Do one thing daily that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Remember compliments, forget insults. Keep old love letters. Throw away old blank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. Some of the most interesting 40-year olds I know still don't knowwhat they want to do with theirs. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children,maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself or berate yourself too much. Your choices are half chance, like everybody else's. Dance. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feek ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone. Be nice to your siblings. They're the best link to your pastand the people who knew you when you were young. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. The older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. Travel. Accept these certain truths. Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And then you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe, you have a trustfund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you'll never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it as a way of fishing the past from the trash, wiping it off and recycling it for more than its worth. But trust me on the sunscreen.

Reader's Digest. September issue. 1998. "Saving the White Tiger"

A Mother's Letter

To my dearest child,

When someday you will be born, I hope you would understand if I won't be a good mother. I guess, I've never been to my childhood. I grew up so fast that I forgot about my life as a child. But all I know, is that my childhood days were painful.

Dear, please cherish every day of your life as you grow up. Keep a journal so you'll never forget. You should remember even the worst days of your life because you'll never know how you'd change because of it.

Please hold on to your dreams. Hold on to them like how you hold on to your life. Right now, the road towards my dreams seems blurry... But when your time comes, I'll try to guide you and help you out when everything seems uncertain. Dear, I don't want you to be like me. I don't want you to feel the frustrations I have been feeling lately.

I hope you'll love to sing. There is nothing more therapeutic than singing. Well... if you'd do... I hope someday we'll be able to sing together.

If I may be strict.. that would be because I've undergone a lot of pain in my life and I don't want you to make the same mistakes that I've done, or even make you feel the pain I've gone through..

And please bear in mind that at times I might hurt you... It's not because I want to hurt you... But because I love you.. And I only want the best for you...

I love you,

Mom

...I'm not preggy. I was just able to write this sometime in July 2005 amidst my frustrations...

Things I Did Today

around 5:00 a.m
my mom woke me up.. I got ready for my tree planting activity... it suddenly rained.. =C

around 6:00 a.m
i got to school... soaked..

around 8:00 a.m
planted a tree at Cabaro, Hinaplanon, Iligan City...with other Sociological Society members, members of the Rotaract and Red Cross, and students from other schools... (hehehe... sakay sila dump truck..)
sings ~/just along the river bend.../

around 9:00 a.m
we were at debbie's place... chika to the max with classmates/friends.. ate banana fritter..

around 11:00 a.m
went to Dr. Ponce's place... Lafang kaayo mi didto.. some of our proffesors were there.. also our department chairperson... of course, chika to the max gihapon... hehehe...

around 2:00 p.m
me and Emgee went to the barracks...meeting sana... para sa party namin.. hehehe.. i'm gonna run for assembly person for CASS... hehehe... public service na po ako ngayon... don't ask me.. i'm not sure in winning... i'm just willing to help anyway... (ni-libre pala kami ni Dr. Mendoza ng pamasahe.. hehehe... thank you ma'am.. by the way, she's the Chairperson of the Department of Sociology of MSU-IIT..

around 2:30 p.m
went to Emgee's dorm to wash-up...

around 3:30 p.m
went to the dentist... for my retainer... hehehe... (hmmm... my gosh! how am i gonna campaign with my new retainer? goodness! saliva would be gushing out while i'm speaking... hehehe! prepare na lang kayo nang umbrella... hehehe...

around 5:00 p.m
went to the former Iligan Forever Living Product Center... "former" 'cause bago lang kami nag-cease ng business dahil sa mga *tooot*... hehehe... just wait for my post 'bout that..

and later... of course... i'm at my favorite internet cafe... sharing this stuff with you...

tommorow's gonna be a busy day again... there's gonna be lots of work to do... so.. take care guys! 'til my next post!

Blessed

Why is it that we have to feel so hopeless but later realize that we are very blessed?

Last thursday, February 2 was a very special day.. However, I woke up feeling dreary thinking my loved-one might have forgotten about what that day was supposed to be..

Anyway.. I was very anxious when I went to school. I was furious about my hair because the lady who cut it was so stupid that my hair just looked like I was the one who cut it. It looked good on me. However, I didn't like it since it won't make any sense because I just look like me from a month ago, and to think that the reason why I decided to cut my hair short is because I just wanted to look "new".. What bothered me more was the fact that my beau haven't greeted me (it's really unusual.. i didn't recieve any text message from him about our anniversary). But good thing that i didn't get too paranoid.. However, the absence of my professors made it a bit worse. I didn't have any class the whole morning that I don't have anything to occupy my mind with except of think about getting my hair done again and wonder I why a special someone might have forgotten to even just greet you on a very special day..

Well... at about 10:30 in the morning, I went back to the parlor and got my hair done again.. But this time, I wasn't sure how I should feel about how I look. Well, I got the "new look" that I wanted.. But I was a bit uncomfortable with it because this was the first time that I cut my hair too short.. hehehe..

Anyway, from the parlor I went to the boutique where I sell my diaries.. Good thing I was able to get a few bucks.. And then went back to school..

Since I have nowhere to go.. I went to our deparment office (Sociology Dept.) and looked for my new friend Emgee... She was there alright, but got really shocked to see me with my new hair.. I stayed there for an hour.. And at about 1:30 p.m., I went to my Stratification class.. Don't bother ask what happened.. hehe.. same old same old thingy.. good thing there was, as what our professor called it, a "Japanese intervention"..

After class I looked for Piere and found myself eating with the AB-English pips.. Somehow, going with them to the canteen helped a bit.. But I was getting desperate to think that the day is gonna end soon, and still nothing special happened to this supposedly special day..

I was already getting furious that I sent my beau a text message.. (basta! sikret na lang.. just told him if ever he forgot..)

Enjoying Lua and friends' company made me forget about my loneliness.. But I got really surprised that I got 1 missed call and a message from my beau.. He told me that he sent me a greeting early in the morning... and asked me if ever I wasn't able to recieve it.. (Of course!) Okay I told him to come over and he did and he was shocked with my hair and he told me that I looked beautiful (ahihihihi..). And we agreed to meet later to celebrate of course.. But what surprised both of us was that he recieved 50 pesos worth of load thinking I was the one who sent it to him when in fact I wasn't.. (ahihihihi!) I told him that maybe God gave it to him..

Okay.. to make the story short.. We had dinner together after his class.. And both of us realized that we we're indeed very blessed.. to think that we have endured a lot troubles for 2 years.. and if he wasn't able to recieve the load we wouldn't be celebrating that day.. It was already past the curfew hour of the jeepneys (padulong sa among bukid..) when we finished our dinner. But when we went to the jeepney terminal, there was still one jeep left... And when when I got home, I wasn't scolded for arriving late..

hahaha.. and we were very happy that we really proved to all people that we our not that stupid to get me pregnant... hehe.. wala lang.. just the reason why my father doesn't like me to enter into a love relationship...

sa mga gapangaway nako... *bleeeeh!* wala pa mi baby... ahihihi...

'Til When..

'Til when do I have to try,
when nobody seems to care..

'Til when do I have to sing,
when nobody cared to listen..

'Til when do I have to think,
when all I want is drift in our memory..

'Til when do these tears have to keep on falling,
when noone's here to dry them..

'Til when do I have to fall,
when nobody's here to catch me..

'Til when do I have to hold on,
when you've already let me go..

'Til when do I have to fight,
when nobody's with me in this battle..

'Til we do I have to wait,
when nobody's coming back..

'Til when do I have to ask,
when nobody's here to answer..

'Til when..?


Just something that I wrote on a dreary night of January 19, 2006...